MOAR SNOW!

With Northern Virginia getting estimates of 18-30 inches of snow through this upcoming weekend, I figure now is as good a time as any to pick things back up.Yes, I promised to get back to what all three of you love me most for - bitchy wrestling columns. But this weekend, now that I have a ton of free time on my hands, something is coming... I promise.

Just a Moment...

So here we are, just a few moments from a whole new round of Monday Night Wars, and I would be lying if I said I was not giddy. Immortals Bret Hart and Hulk Hogan are locks to make appearances for their feuding shows, but now even other prominent figures like Randy Savage and Rob Van Dam are being churned out by the rumor mill. Now granted, TNA has nowhere near the resources the WWE has, meaning that it is highly unlikely that TNA even gets close in the ratings tonight, but really, the competition itself is what makes tonight so exciting.

That WCW-WWF rivalry, aka the original Monday Night Wars, gave us such a magnificent era - the Attitude Era - that we still fondly remember to this day. Sadly though, that era and the moments that came of it are something we wrestling fans have gotten used to living without for the better part of the last decade. Yes, we probably have had five-star matches since then. Hell, we have had even had great young stars like Randy Orton emerge post-Attitude Era. But the thing we have been missing are those moments like we had in the 90's and early 00's.

In the last handful of years, we have no moments like 'The Stunner', 'The Leg Drop', 'The Beer Truck', or even just 'TLC' - simple phrases that bring back so many flashbacks. The closest of this current era may, in my opinion, be 'The Cash-In', when Edge stole the heavyweight title from John Cena when nobody expected it. Even then though, that doesn't hold a candle to any of the spectacles above, not to mention that from my perspective, Mr. Kennedy was supposed to be in Edge's place... *mumbling profanities*. However, I expect that to soon change... the moments that is - not Mr. Kennedy. (I'm now done with my quota of one Mr. Kennedy reference per article.)

You probably don't remember, but back in May I wrote the article 'A Man Defines His Surroundings... or Do Surroundings Define the Man?'. In the article I got into what has motivated such geniuses (in their own respective fields) like Eminem, Michael Jordan, and even S.T.U.P.I.D. (aka Vince McMahon) throughout their careers. In every person's case, there was always somebody in their rear view mirror, literally or figuratively, that couldn't wait to "catch up" to them. Yet every time said geniuses' rival - be it poverty or a person - faded away - to a degree so did the person's motivation.

Enter TNA.

S.T.U.P.I.D. has been fat and happy for the better part of the last decade. You all have seen that the product that has been put out there in the ring has been sub par PG-bullshit at best. But as soon as TNA signed Hogan months ago, have you finally not seen the good ol' S.T.U.P.I.D. that we've come to know? He really has pulled out ALL his arsenal in an attempt to one-up TNA, namely, signing Bret Hart. But you know what? I would have no issue if the WWE squashed TNA like a bug. That would be perfectly fine by me.

The one thing, however, that I do hope comes of this, is that we get some... you guessed it... moments. The sickie inside me wants to see Jeff Hardy go to TNA and take all those young fans with him. The sickie in me wants to see TNA go even further and assemble as nostalgic a wrestling roster as you can assemble, just for the sake of maybe reuniting some of the old stables, and better yet, reigniting some of the old rivalries. But ultimately, the sickie inside me wants to see Bret Hart go on live TV tonight and completely destroy S.T.U.P.I.D. on the mic as soon as he gets the chance. Sort of in a 'shot-heard-'round-the-world' way, and then go on to sign with TNA. But really, I just want some damn entertaining programming... kayfabe or not.

Oh and did I yet mention that I want moments?

Merry Christmas...

Merry Christmas everybody... to those of you overly-PC people who say "Happy Holidays", go fuck yourselves.

My Thoughts on Sheamus Winning the Strap...

Three words:

What. The. Fuck?

or even...

I. Miss. Cena?

or of course...

Hunter. Hearst. Helmsley.

but mostly...

It's. Over. Johnny.

It's All Tiger Woods...

First off, let me just preface this by saying the man should be able to bang anything that moves. He worked his ass off to become the billionaire athlete he now is, even sacrificing a normal childhood so that he could have a successful career in the game of golf. Financially, his family is set for the next hundred generations, and that is all because of him. So to say that his wife deserves half his assets is ludicrous. With or without her, Tiger would have been just as big, just as successful, and just as wealthy... so why the hell does she deserve a penny outside of child care? Just because she bore his kids? Just because Tiger got married to her? If she was just his girlfriend and not his wife, why does she not get a penny as the former, but apparently deserves to get money now as the latter?

Now, I am not excusing what Tiger did. Adultery is wrong, clearly, and he wasn't ready to commit to a meaningful relationship. However, his wife's actions shows that she isn't exactly little Ms. Perfect either.

First off, her mental stability is something that needs to be questioned, because judging from the evidence of that initial car crash that got this story rolling, she was beating, or at least trying to beat, the bloody hell out of Tiger with a golf club after already scratching up his face. Now I'm no lawyer, but if a man does so much as lay one finger on a woman in a domestic argument, his ass is heading to the clanker. Yet if a woman assaults her husband with a deadly weapon, she's somehow allowed to get away with it? Why is nobody talking about this?

Another issue I have with Elin Woods is that allegedly she is accepting money to remain by Tiger's side. Does that not make her any less a whore than the women Tiger hooked up with? On top of that she hired infamous divorce attorney Sorrell Trope, a lawyer known to break even the most apparently iron-clad prenups, and wants to file for divorce in California - essentially a 50/50 divorce state - rather than in their home state of Florida. Are these acts all of a woman who is even willing to give her marriage another shot, or of a vindictive bitch who just wants her money?

Maybe it's just the misogynist in me pointing these out, but there are faults on both ends here. I'm merely presenting them to you - not just to play the devil's advocate - but because, really, nobody is talking about these things that seem so obvious. It's just that I get so frustrated when I see a man taken to the cleaners when he makes a mistake, but if the woman makes a mistake, or does something that is clearly wrong, the media doesn't bat an eye.

In summary though, don't get married. No really... it's not worth it.

So What's Happening?

So there has been a lot going on since the last time I posted. Final exams took up much of my attention and energy since then, resulting in a lack of, well, any creative content on this site. For the sake of brevity, let's just dive right into the headlines and tackle them one by one in the coming days...

Eddie Fatu Dead at 36...

RIP Eddie Fatu, aka Umaga. My thoughts go out to both his friends and family.

Something is Better than Nothing...

People say that bad publicity is better than no publicity at all. Does the same adage ring true with blogs? Is bad content better than no content? It's actually an interesting topic that I'd love to waste spend time covering some other time, but not now.

You see, I'm in a very posting mood today, but not of the kind that requires much effort from me. So with that being said this is going to be of roughly the same quality that any random student's last-minute paper would be. If you're standing, there is no need to sit down as you read this, because I'm not blowing anybody's skirt up today.

Boy I know how to sell my work. Moving on...

The following are ideas I'm noodling at the moment for upcoming posts:

• 'The Concept of a Bankroll'
• Recent cash game experience
  
• 'Becoming too Efficient at Work'
• The upcoming holidays and what my plans are
  
• How a video game changed my life
• Sports gambling with a Seinfeld twist
• Some rant or the other about wrestling (to be fair, you knew these were coming)
  

Yea, like I told you, there wouldn't be much to today's post. I really can't imagine how to close out this post so...

That is all.

Over as Quickly as it Came...

So Thanksgiving weekend has already come to an end. The long weekend really blew by for me, as I was constantly doing... oh wait... nothing. Good times.

Thanksgiving night itself went really well, as I happily enjoyed my first ever real T-day turkey. My family ordered an 11-pound bird from Boston Market, and we also got a casserole of what might have been the greatest sweet potatoes I have ever had. The dinner itself went along okay, as my brother - who has become maybe the most annoying, hard-headed person I have ever come across - kept his inner-asshole in check.

The Friday and Saturday after the big day weren't especially eventful, as I hung out with some friends here and there. I certainly didn't go shopping on Black Friday... that mania that surrounds that day just fucking frustrates me. Plus, if I had to list everything that I hated, Black Friday encompasses some of the higher items on the list; that being crazy women, shopping, and big crowds. No thank you.

Oh, I also forgot to mention the part where I definitely didn't choose to go to my high school's five-year reunion. I remember high school, like most people do, as this really awkward time where I had some friends, but really didn't like most people at all. Plus, going to the reunion would've meant that I would have had to dress up, drive to DC, park in DC, and surround myself with far too many drunk and preppy douches. Again, no thanks. Maybe in another five years... maybe.

Coke or Pepsi?

Coca-Cola has, as long as I can remember, been my soft drink of choice. I always was fervently a Coke guy through and through, even going as far as besmirching the name of Pepsi whenever the opportunity arose. My hate for Pepsi was that strong... or at least it used to be.

In the last few months now, Pepsi has slowly been giving Coke a run for its money. And just this past weekend, it happened. I'm a Pepsi man now. Why, you must be wondering, did I make the switch? I really have no reason for it. The only logical answer I can offer up is that the Pepsi machine in my place of work is merely 20 steps away from my cubicle, while the Coke machine sits all the way on the other side of the building. Can I truly be so lazy that I would be willing to switch my allegiance from one brand to another merely for the sake of said level of convenience? An extra 300 step traverse I would need to take to reach another product is all it takes to sway me and my morals?

Answer: yes.

An Itch to Scratch...

So I've been playing quite a bit of poker lately. For the most part it's just been a freeroll here or a play chip tournament there, and actually even a low-stakes home game just recently, but it's all gone rather well. Now I do have a decent bankroll split up between my online account and cash-in-hand, but I really want to make this go-around count. I'm easing myself back into the grind that poker can become, and just dipping my toe in the water with, like I said, freerolls and microstakes cash games, is the way to go.

You see, over the last two to three years I've rarely played for a variety of issues, but now I think I have come to a point where, if I wanted, I could jump back into the thick of things and commit a lot hours to playing. Yet, every time I've done just that before I would be in over my head, and would forget/ignore even the most basic, fundamental concepts of play. My bankroll would then dwindle a bit, and just as soon as I started to play I would stop.

But now? I'm rereading game theory books I already read five years ago, and although I once went over all these basics, it's brand-new material all over again. This analytical side of the game I never really had a stable base for, and going over that material will be a good point to jump from so that I don't repeat mistakes I've made in the past.

The instinctual part of the game, what I believe is my strength, will come definitely back to me... it always does once I get on a regular schedule of play. Most poker players, hell even just people in general, claim that they can "read" people well and naturally have that instinct. Said people are full of horseshit, just for the record. In my case though, that actually rings pretty true. I'm not going to drop the cliche that I've always had a sixth sense for these kinds of things (I hate people who say that), but I do hone in on people's body language, voice level, and more - all of which you can learn a tremendous amount from - more than the average person.

Ideally I'd like to arrive at the point where I equally weigh this sixth sense I have (ugh) with my understanding of game theory for every decision, but that's a long ways away. If I had to put a number on it, I'd say that, at my peak as a poker player, I gave maybe 10-15% credence to game theory, and mostly relied on instinct for my decisions. So as you can see, I'm reaching for the sky here with regards to where I aim to go.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

So Modern Warfare 2, the sixth installment of the Call of Duty video game franchise is, well, only the best game evAr. But no really, it was definitely worth getting a new 360 for (and trashing my old broken system... Microsoft needs to seriously create a 'cash-for- XBox 360 clunkers' program, as I have never in my lifetime seen a company exhibit such disregard for all the short and long-term flaws in such a popular item)... but I digress.

Everything I could have possibly asked for from the game, I got. I can't fathom buying another title for months now, as my hands should be tied for a while. Goodbye Madden 09 and NBA 2k9, I hardly knew ye.

Bumps...

So it's been a little over a week since I last wrote here, and a number of interesting things have happened in the wrestling world since. Being that I am going to touch on these happenings, this would normally be called a "Quick Hits" column or something of that nature. That is rather lame though, and I'm one who likes to be contrarian just for the sake of being contrarian . So let's call this post a... hmmmmm... a "Quick Punch" column? No, a "Quick Bangs" column? Nah, that doesn't work either.

Since the ol' noggin' isn't working at the moment - it is Monday after all - let's refer to a trusty thesaurus for synonyms of the word "hit". That's right folks - nowhere else will you see a columnist openly refer to a thesaurus in the midst of his/her column, especially in search for synonyms of "hit" - a task so simple that third graders could assuredly do in a jiffy...

1. KO
2. bang
3. bash
4. beat
5. blitz
6. bump... I like bump.

So there, let's call this a "Quick Bumps" column. That's close enough to "hit", and hell, it kind of ties into wrestling, right?

...

Somebody?

...

Anybody?

Okay, moving on.

The big news of the week is that Hulk Hogan, along with Eric Bischoff, have signed with TNA. Normally this is something I'd be behind for a few reasons. First off, Hogan legitimizes TNA with some mainstream star power, and TNA's ratings will probably bump up whenever he debuts. And if TNA's ratings go up at all, the WWE has to take some notice and, in turn, step up their game. Competition is always a good thing for us fans. See: The Attitude Era

But a part of me wonders what will happen to the rising talent that have made a name for themselves over the last few months; namely Abyss, Matt Morgan, A.J. Styles, and Hernandez. Will these guys get put over Hogan if they had a match with him? Will Hogan take valuable time from them that, for the sake of the long run, could be put to better use to build young talent? Are we in for another version of the Main Event Mafia, only with Hogan starting up NWO again, and will take over half the show just as MEM did?

As great as it is for TNA to have added maybe the biggest name in wrestling history, they are operating on a slippery slope where much of their work could be erased in a week or two of Hogan's reign. It's a helluva gamble though, and it will be fun to see how it unfolds.

Another noteworthy event that took place in the wrestling world was Batista turning on his cartoon character of a friend Rey Mysterio. I am all for this, because if there is one thing I like of my heels it is that they look as imposing as Batista does. And in this regard, Batista has not failed me the least bit. When he first turned during Bragging Rights, telling Mysterio that he wanted to 'rip his head off', and then went from that semi-smirk to that deranged, I'm-going-to-tear-your-fucking-head-off look, I got chills. It was awesome.

A high profile heel turn like this has been needed for some time, and Batista, if anybody, was the right guy. His look, his move set, and his ability as of late to sway the crowd whatever way he wants (despite not being all that charismatic) is conducive to any heel.

Plus, for a minute there I thought, with all the over-the-top hugging and snuggling Rey and Dave had going before the turn, we were in store for a Billy and Chuck kind of storyline. And not that there's anything wrong with that, but considering the size difference between the two, one would think Rey could only take so much of Batista's dick. That storyline just wouldn't have been believable now that I think about it. Maybe now though, Mysterio and Evan Bourne can go at it... secretly I've always been rooting for those two anyways.

Old gimmicks are old. I don't know about you, but seeing unprepared weekly guest hosts on Monday Night RAW have been embarrassing to me as a wrestling fan. I'd venture to guess that at least half of them, if not more, came in with little-to-no prep, and went on to spit in our faces by mispronouncing names and ruining segments (I will admit "Summerfest" was a gem though).

You might say that it was already a freak show before, but ever since the guest host gimmick, RAW has truly transformed itself into a pathetic gimmick yearning for mainstream attention. I can only count on one hand how many good hosts we have had (Shaq, Bob Barker, Snoop Dog, and that's fucking it) through the months, yet it seems like S.T.U.P.I.D. is going to keep this weekly trainwreck going, all in the name of an extra tenth of a point or two in the Nielsen ratings. No mispronunciations that embarrass the company are going to stop the madman from putting on whichever celebrity or flavor of the month wants to push their product. I swear to you, if RAW is a catastrophe tonight, it's coming off my DVR scheduled recordings. I'm really tired of wasting my time with it. /end rant

One more thing I'd like to mention before I end this... Ken Anderson, what happened to you? After S.T.U.P.I.D. fired you, you entertained your fans for a couple of months with weekly Youtube sketches that, although only a couple minutes in length, allowed us to get our weekly "fix" of your talent. When you put an end to those episodes, which was roughly around the same time your no-compete clause with the WWE expired, we all expected your grand return to the ring. After all, we have only seen you wrestling on television just once in eleven months: eight months out with that injury, and three months of the no-compete clause. Yet now we're fast approaching a month that you have yet to sign anywhere after being eligible; when really, there is only one place to sign: TNA.

So what's with the wait? Did I not obsess and praise over you enough? I sincerely doubt that. I mean after all, I had dreams where you and I... nevermind.

The end.

Things Ain't Changing...

It's starting to sound like I'm somebody who just likes to complain for the sake of it, but really I'm not. In general I am a positive person who sees more good than bad in things. It's just the WWE, really, that I have issues with these days, as it really looks like nothing is changing in that damn company.

Yes, I occassionally hear, as you do, that S.T.U.P.I.D. went off on somebody backstage about how they haven't built up any stars, and maybe that does mean something for that day that Vince blows up. Yet, this past Sunday on Bragging Rights - yet another gimmicky PPV I will never buy - we saw who win the heavyweight titles? John Cena and The Undertaker. Like we've never seen that before. Only God and SyFy nerds who desperately pray that Battlestar Galactica comes back as they sob in their mom's attic know... wait, where was I going again? Oh yea - nobody knows, or gives a fuck who the ECW Champion is, so that's not worth mentioning. But I digress...

What comes of Cena holding the title? Well... I got nothing. It was revealed this past RAW that the champ will be defending his belt against Triple H and Shawn Michaels in a triple threat match next PPV, but what good does that do? Maybe, just maybe, the WWE will finally do us a favor and end DX once and for all? Doubtful. Especially considering the merchandise that sorry-excuse-for-its-former-self tag team moves. But even if that were to happen, is that something we want to see? Not I, because Triple H and Shawn Michaels get moved back into singles roles - and as much as I can't stand DX anymore, I'd rather them stay together and ruin just one or two segments a night rather than see the two go their separate ways and ruin half the show each week.

It's not really that I have an issue with Cena actually holding the title. I get it - he's the company man, and he who sucks S.T.U.P.I.D.'s wang gets the strap put on em every few months. But the way the company has a knack for putting Cena in less-than-stellar feuds that ultimately end in Cena ripping open his shirt to show the world he is, in fact, Superman in the flesh, gets old. And all the while as he does this, his convincing victories where he, for the millionth time, triumphs all odds, negates any progress his antagonists has made the last few months [see: The Miz (2009), Shawn Michaels (2007), Legacy (2009), The Big Show (numerous times), etc].

As for the Undertaker, let me just put it like this - the man has only been able to put on a good match just a handful of times each year. His gimmick is stale, and frankly, over-the-top corny. I will give him all the props in the world though for his legendary feats, but if I have to sit through another promo which he ends with "Rest In Peace", I will be playing Russian Roulette by myself with a fully loaded pistol.

That is all.

Something I'm Currently Obsessed With (Pt. 1)

Just a cool vid I thought I'd pass along. Watched it maybe 20 times already.

Shane McMahon...

So it looks like Shane McMahon resigned from the WWE. Obviously us nostalgic bunch got a rod every time Shane O' Mac graced us with his presence on WWE programming, as it almost always made for good entertainment, so it's definitely sad to see him go.

But can you honestly say you didn't see this coming? For years now, all indicators have pointed towards Stephanie taking over the WWE whenever S.T.U.P.I.D. stepped down. Shane's fresh vision for the WWE, which heavily leaned towards, uhhhhhh, that thing called wrestling, greatly differed from the cheap-laughs-crap that S.T.U.P.I.D., S.T.U.P.I.D.'s princess, and the man taxing S.T.U.P.I.D.'s princess all envisioned. God what I would give to be in Lavesque's shoes. Can you imagine the things he does to her? Better yet, can you imagine the things she... sorry, I'm getting off-topic. Let's move on.

I know it's become a clichè to say that the WWE is heading down the tubes - that's been beaten to death, and giving you guys the 10 billionth-and-first article on that subject would be torture for both you and me. What hasn't been said though is that Shane was one of the few who had a long-term plan and had some influence to boot. No I didn't think he wasn't ever going to bring back the WWE to a respectable level all by his lonesome... we'll probably never have an era like that again. But just knowing that somebody back there, well, somebody who was occasionally back there and wasn't one of S.T.U.P.I.D.'s lackeys has always been good enough for me. And now, we have one less of those guys.

We now return to your regularly-scheduled dick-sucking, team creative. Go nuts on those shriveled... nah, too easy.

Hmmmm

Whatever happened to the good ol' days where, with a college course, you could just show up for exams and any other important days and do just fine? Since when did we all need to be babied and have our hand held through each and every class?

Just sayin...

XHeadlines...

So it seems my gig as a columnist at XHeadlines has come to a close. I really couldn't explain why it ended even if I tried, because I don't know myself to be quite honest. All I can say is that it did indeed end.

It's weird because I thought I had somewhat of a good thing going with Jacob Spades, the webmaster of the site: we were shuckin and jivin in our somewhat regular podcasts, and I really had a vested interest in the growth of that site, bouncing ideas for it off him whenever we spoke on the phone. I mean, I know I wasn't technically doing much outside of the columns and the few podcasts I was in, but I did still feel like a bigger part of the site.

Anyways, I left a message for Jacob a couple days ago... and no response yet. I guess it's no different than any of the other 8-10 times I tried to contact him, but something as important as this, at least in my mind, I thought would have elicited some semblance of a response. Who knows... maybe the guy is just going through some tough times and would rather not deal with this at the moment, or maybe I just wasn't as integral a part of their big-picture as I thought I was. The evidence towards the latter certainly indicates as much.

A Radio Show of Note...

Many of us listen to radio to help pass the time as we work our asses off in our little cubicles. I personally was fortunate enough to stumble across WJFK about 18 months ago while searching for new music. Almost instantly I got hooked to the entire lineup of shows, from The Junkies in the morning through The Mike O'Meara show (previously The Don and Mike Show) during the afternoon drive back home. Both shows brought different things to the table, but it was the show sandwiched between those shows, The Big O and Dukes Show, that really did it for me.

These guys (Oscar Santana, Chad Dukes, and Matt Cahill) weren't your standard corny DJ's who did the whole tired, but proven-to-work shock jock kinda stuff. They were real people who were just legitimately funny in their own right, and they constantly interacted with listeners either by taking as many calls during the show as possible, keeping in touch on Facebook, hanging out at local fast-food joints, or hosting events of all kinds. Sadly, the station became a victim of the sports-talk fad that has all but killed free talk radio, and the show was cancelled.

Inevitably they'll have another run on some kind of satellite/HD radio station, but for those of us who are anxiously awaiting their return, below is a video put together of some of the many great moments on the show. Enjoy.

NBA Referees Let Go

"The NBA announced Friday that it would train replacement officials after failing to reach an agreement on a new contract with its referees union."

Best thing to happen to the NBA in a while. I don't know how an entire group of senior citizens managed to hang onto jobs that require quick reflexes, perfect vision, and quick thinking, for so long. This group of idiots have ruined the NBA for, oh, 20 years now - ruining a perfecting good basketball game by inserting themselves in the limelight whenever they needed attention.

Good riddance.