So good ol' JR made his way to the ring to open RAW. He got on the mic and said how much, over his years on RAW, he had enjoyed his time. He said he hoped the RAW fans would follow him over to Smackdown on Friday nights and enjoy listening to him and his new partner, Mick Foley. Edge's music then interrupted JR mid-sentence, and out he came along with the Edge-Heads.
Edge grabbed a mic and told JR that his arrogance never failed to amaze him, as he believed that nobody cared about JR leaving RAW. Edge said that JR could truly validate his Hall-of-Fame career by coming to Smackdown and calling a future Hall-of-Famer's (his own) matches. He said that, instead of the usual "Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold!" phrase JR used to utter, he'd now be yelling "Edge Wins! Edge Wins! Edge Wins!" instead. He then asked JR to try it out right then, but JR refused and threw his mic down. Edge told his two sidekicks, Hawkins and Ryder, to escort JR out of the ring, and they did just that.
Once those three had left, Edge began speaking directly to the fans. He said that, now that JR was out of there, he had no reason to remain there. He poked fun at RAW by pointing out they had no General Manager, let alone a champion. This went on for just a little while longer, and he exited the ring.
As he exited holding up his Smackdown Heavyweight Championship Belt, Batista's music hit and out came the Animal, who was obviously angry the way Edge cheated him out of the title the night before at Night of Champions. He chased Edge and eventually caught him. The fans went crazy as Batista really layed into Edge with haymakers left and right. Batista then got Edge in the ring and Batista-bombed him.
Batista was making his exit up the ramp, and I was thinking that the segment was over, since it was already 9:20 and we had hit no commercial break... how wrong I was.
CM Punk's music then blared out the speakers, and he immediately made a bee-line for Edge with his MITB briefcase in hand, who was laying in the ring because of Batista's beat down. The crowd obviously sensed what was going on, and the crowd got even louder than before. Punk got in the ring, told a referee that he was cashing in his briefcase, and proceeded to give Edge his trademark finisher, the 'Go To Sleep'. Moments later, to the surprise of WWE fans across the world, there was CM Punk, holding the Smackdown championship up in the air as he stood on the turnbuckle. The crowd was in a frenzy, and at that moment, I realized the WWE was back.
After a Divas match, where Mickie James defeated Jillian Hall, Rey Mysterio came out the following segment to speak to the crowd. He said things were weird for him, because although he was excited to be on RAW, it was strange to be away from Smackdown, where his entire life and career unfolded.
Santino Marella, one of the best promo guys in the business, then came out and proceeded to diss Mysterio. Mysterio was about to respond, but Marella told him to shut his face. He continued and, after bringing up Mysterio's recent WWE magazine cover pic on the titantron, said that he didn't get what all the Mysterio hype was all about. Mocking Mysterio, he said "Look at me. I'm Mysterio. I'm more tall than Hornswaggle. I like cookies. BOOYAKA! BOOYAKA!" Marella said he wished he gave the WWE one of his own pictures to put on the magazine instead, and then, on the titantron, showed a picture of himself in just in underwear, holding a rose. He said that, if this was a poster, everybody in the world, even men, would buy it and put it up on their bedroom ceiling. Marella then got back on topic, and said Mysterio hadn't yet been on RAW because he didn't deserve to, as the show was used for true rising stars. He said that if Mysterio didn't mind his own business, he wouldn't have a good time here. (By the way, if it isn't coming across here, I should probably tell you that this was an excellent promo)
Mysterio was finally given the opportunity to speak, but he let his actions speak louder than his words. He took his mic and whacked it across Marella's head, then 619'ed him.
In the next segment, CM Punk was backstage with Tod Grisham, and his World Heavyweight Championship was draped over his shoulder. Grisham gave his congrats to Punk, and Punk said that he was speechless. He said he had so many people to thank, including Batista for that assist, and then said that he was feeling awesome. CM Punk's face then went a little sour, and once the camera zooms out, we see that it's because JBL was standing across him.
JBL gave a demeaning shrug, sort of like an "I can't believe you're the fucking champion" kinda shrug, and said Punk shouldn't be proud that he beat up a helpless person to win the title. Punk said that at least he was THE champion. JBL responded by saying that Punk could either go home, knowing his title win was nothing more than an asterisk, or he could prove himself against JBL in a title match. Punk asked JBL if he really wanted to "be the first one", and JBL responded yes. Punk said ok, and the match was on.
John Cena came out the next segment to a big cheer, and said that he couldn't believe JBL bullied his way into a title match. Cena then said that he liked Punk because he was a fighter, but he also believed that Punk would've said yes to anybody. He then openly asked Punk that, if he had the option to wrestle JBL or Cena, who would he choose?
JBL then came out, drawing some major heat from the crowd. JBL said that Cena wouldn't get the opportunity to fight Punk for the championship, because JBL was declaring Marshall Law that night. He said that he was going to become champion tonight, and he couldn't have Cena in the building to mess things up. Six big security guards came out, and JBL told them to remove Cena from the arena. After Cena put up whatever fight he could, JBL's security team dragged Cena out of the building.
Ted Debiase Jr. and Cody Rhodes, fresh off their betrayal of Hardcore Holly, had a squash match against some young tag-team duo whose names I can't remember. After the match, they said that, because of all the talent they had, they deserved whatever they wanted, and that they were, ugh, absolutely priceless. These guys may have all the talent they said they have, but they get, literally, no reaction from the crowd. It's a joke these guys are the tag-team champions, because nobody gives a fuck.
The next match of the night was Chris Jericho's rematch against Kofi Kingston for the Intercontinental Championship. Back-and-fourth the two went, each seemingly countering the other's moves. It all led to a sequence where Kofi first rolled up Y2J and pulled on his tights. The ref didn't see it, but Y2J kicked out anyways. Jericho then rolled Kingston up, and blatantly pulled on Kingston's tights to try and pin him illegally. Unfortunately for Y2J, the ref caught him and DQ'ed him for his actions, meaning that Kingston retained his Intercontinental title. Being the heel he was, he bitterly gauged at Kingston's eyes after the bell rung, and the crowd responded with some boos.
The main event, a title match between JBL and the champion CM Punk, was underway, with JBL's personal security team surrounding the ring. The two wrestlers exchanged blows to start out, JBL using his power and Punk using his trademark kicks, but JBL eventually seized control of the match with a headlock. Punk got out of the headlock with a crisp arm drag, and followed that up with a few leg kicks. He got JBL out of the ring and went for a baseball slide. He missed though, and JBL then hit Punk with an excellent clothesline. The action went back into the ring, and JBL locked up Punk in yet another headlock. He then threw Punk into the turnbuckle and charged at him, only to have Punk's boot connect with his face. Punk connected with his trademark knee in the face as JBL stood against the opposite turnbuckle, then clotheslined the challenger afterwards. JBL attempted to counter with a clotheline, but Punk dodged it and hit JBL with a kick to the head, then a flying clothesline after bouncing off the top rope.
Cena and Cryme Time then showed up on the ramp, and began to kick the crap out of JBL's security in an attempt to even the odds for Punk. JBL got distracted by the commotion outside of the ring, and when he turned around to face Punk, he got GTS'ed and that was that. Punk retained his title, and the crowd was going nuts.
I'm a man with a sick gambling history... the WNBA, the Scripps' National Spelling Bee, competitive video games with friends, etc... I thought I had reached the anti-pinnacle of Gambler's Anonymous.
