The Greenhorns of Grappling (Part Two)

Welcome back you silly gooses/geese/whatever. The following athletes finish up my top ten list of the brightest young stars in the WWE. If you missed part one of The Greenhorns of Grappling, feel free to hit the "Back" button on your browser now to take a look at that masterpiece of mine.

"Masterpiece" is a bit of a stretch I guess, right? Sighhhh... you guys are right. I guess I'm being too hard on myself. It wasn't just a masterpiece - it was a Pulitzer Prize-worthy piece. Better yet, it was the zenith of opinion columns that all future opinion columnists should compare themselves to.

Much better.

Anyhow... back to business.

#5: CM Punk

Some of you may have been annoyed that CM Punk won the MiTB yet again, but he really was the best possible person to win that match. I'll give you that he has technically been a champion before - thus not really making him much of a "greenhorn" - but do any of you view this guy as a legit main-eventer yet? Not yet right?

Well, I feel like his first title reign was REALLY screwed up by creative. But this time around it seems like the right steps have been taken towards building up CM Punk, as he has already pinned Edge legitimately and is now entering a program with Umaga. Once he's really over, and by that I mean once it really becomes believable rather than unbelievable that he's winning matches against the likes of Jericho, Edge, etc, it shouldn't be long before we see him hoisting up a title yet again.

#4: Jack Swagger

Brock Lesnar comes to mind when I see this beast in the ring. Only Shelton Benjamin, Batista, and Triple H's physiques compare to this guy's in terms of modern wrestlers, and although he still has room to improve his delivery on the mic, he's got plenty of raw talent.

His finisher is something I'm not all that impressed with, but that might be me nitpicking at a small thread sticking out of a, well, what is it that these kids wear nowadays... Von Dutch shirt? Whatever it is, it's a small imperfection on a nearly-perfect pure wrestler.

#3: MVP

I'm very curious to see how MVP's most recent push goes, because the longer I think about it the more I'm not sure he can get it done in the ring. I'll give him this - he's damn entertaining on the mic, and he brings a fresh, stylish persona we really haven't seen before.

But as I said, in the ring he isn't all too impressive. As you may have seen the last few weeks, the only time a crowd really, and I mean really gets into his matches is when he either jumps up and down to hype up the crowd (a very obvious gimmick), or he does that 'Ballin!' ditty. The same could be said for other wrestlers, but the way it comes across on the screen to me is that the audience almost falls into a lull before he does one of those two things to get everybody going... and that's not supposed to happen with a future star is it?

He's bound to improve though, and with the way he connects to people during his promos, the push he's getting now should should continue long enough for him to have time to iron out the wrinkles in his game.

#2: Mr. Kennedy... Kennedy

Common, you really didn't think I'd compile this list without naming the guy whose name is so nice you gotta say it twice... did you? Nobody shoots a promo better than Mr. Kennedy does... NOBODY! This guy is bound to have a major role in the company's future. Of course, the only thing that could hold him back from becoming the superstar we all know he can be are injuries.

Thus far this man has been a star-crossed guy... some of it was brought on by himself - but the rest was just one freak thing or the other. His biggest push he ever received was the one where he became a thorn in William Regal's side (who was then a major heel GM... lights on/lights off anybody?). Unfortunately that rivalry that had oh-so-much potential was cut short due to Regal's drug suspension.

Kennedy's failed pushes aside, what I do know though is that although this guy is better as a heel than a face, he needs to stay a crowd favorite just as he was before his last injury. The WWE is full of heels anyways, and the last thing they need is yet another prime talent wasted as a heel. Do they not understand that the best way to put asses in the seats are to have your best talents in favor of the crowd? Ugh. Anyways, I've praised Mr. Kennedy long enough in this article... the other wrestlers on this list might get jealous or something, so I'll make up for it by not putting up a pic of Kennedy. Happy?

...

...

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I budged. I couldn't resist. And I don't even care that this page now looks awkward with another picture right below Mr. Kennedy's.

#1: John Morrison

This guy has sneaky mega-potential... I feel like a ten-year-old for phrasing it like that, but there's really no other way to say it. Just take a look at him and TELL me he's not athletic. The man clearly knows what he's doing in the ring, and the scary thing is that he's barely scratched the surface.

Most people compare him to a young Shawn Michaels, and I cannot find a single hole in that argument. I mean, did you guys see him superkick Michaels a couple months back on RAW? It was eerie how similar he looked like HBK back in his heyday!

After all that, I haven't even addressed just how easily Morrison can get the crowd riled up one way or the other. Truth be told, pairing this lad up with The Miz for the first part of each other's young careers was genious. And even better is that, although we didn't notice, Morrison was far below average on the mic when he first started out. But once he got his "reps" in on the critically-acclaimed Dirt Sheet, you could practically graph Morrison's steady improvement. This guy is not just going to be a star... he's going to be a hall-of-famer (you read that right) as long as he stays on track.

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If, by some miracle of God you actually like my work, feel free to visit my site http://wwerumorsandrants.blogspot.com/ and check some of my work there.

You can also reach me on Twitter at twitter.com/NeilBhatia.

I can also be reached on Facebook - my name there is also Neil Bhatia.

The Greenhorns of Grappling

Are you guys enjoying the modern era of wrestling as much as I am?  The new faces we've seen in the last week have all the websites and blogs abuzzing with excitement.  It's been a while since the WWE has really pushed their ripe athletes to do significant things.  Whether it was because the company didn't feel they were quite ready yet, or because their main-eventers didn't want to step aside to share the spotlight... it doesn't matter anymore.  What DOES matter is that we're getting fresh talent interacting with some of our old favorites, and many people including myself have our happy tissues ready to go.  

Whoops... 

Was that too much information?  Probably.  But I truly have no other way to describe just how giddy I've become to my readers.  I hope I didn't lose one of you three by grossing you out like that. Anyhow, below are #'s 10-6 of my top ten list of blue-chippers whose potential (I hate that "P" word by the way) the WWE hasn't yet tapped. The top five of this list will be published in the coming days...

#10: Evan Bourne

This kid has talent, but there is little else behind that. He lacks charisma and his character is very vanilla,  but you can't deny that the little guy has a jaw-dropping set of moves.  Bourne is the definition of in-ring entertainment, and even though he can't cut a promo to save his life, his high-flying antics deserve a push - even if it is just on ECW. 

Some say he's the next Rey Mysterio.  I, however, liken him to a mix of Mysterio and a young Jeff Hardy - he clearly has the ability to give us many "HOLY SHIT" moments in the coming years, but he's very Shelton Benjamin-esque on the mic.  With time and opportunity that will likely change though.

#9: Kofi Kingston

Kofi Kingston already has a few notches on his belt: the Intercontinental and Tag-Team Championships.  The thing is, Kingston hasn't had much of a chance, if any, to show us what he's made of promo-wise.  Yes, he's had the occasional backstage interview, but all we got from those is that Kingston is a happy-go-lucky kind of guy... that about sums it up.  He certainly has a plethora of moves to wow crowds, but will the WWE give him the opportunity to develop his character?

#8: The Miz

The Miz can be hit-or-miss at times.  Back when he was paired up with John Morrison he could induce heat from the crowd in an instant.  But like I said, that was back when he was Morrison's tag-team partner.  

By himself, I can easily see The Miz either flourish or fail. We've seen some glimpses of success with him, but if you watched RAW like I did last week when he went on a John Cena-bashing tirade, the crowd didn't give a damn. I can't figure out if it was because The Miz was so bland or the crowd hated Cena, but I was shocked to say the least.  Being on the mic is actually Miz's strength, whereas I thought it was his in-ring work that needed some help. I'm hoping that a few weeks from now we can all look back on that promo and chalk it up to an off night.  One thing is for sure though - The Miz will certainly get more chances to bounce back... I mean he's a chick-magnet after all, right?

#7: Matt Hardy

As I've said in a column before, Matt Hardy's heel turn has been like wine for me: over time it's gotten better and better.  His promos have been very impressive and his character has come along well.  

But surprisingly I've found myself bored to death at times during his latest matches - something you don't usually expect from a Hardy brother. And with the reviews I read of Backlash that said his match with Jeff Hardy was also utterly disappointing,  I'm not sure what to think of him now.  He's very entertaining on the mic, but whatever is causing Hardy to stink up matches needs to go.  

#6: THE Brian Kendrick

This guy has it all.  He's great on the mic...  as a matter of fact he's one of the best in the business (feel free to bash me on that one... that doesn't change the fact that it's true!).  In the ring he's a more vicious version of a mix between Spike Dudley and Crash Holly - but more entertaining than that sounds.

Unfortunately he hasn't yet gotten the push he deserves.  Whispers from behind the curtain suggest that his attitude has held him down from becoming a big-timer.  Despite that though he's already been in a heavyweight title match, and if his attitude is the only thing holding him down I suspect he'll learn the ropes of the business soon enough and get himself in the good graces of team creative.

The OMGs, LOLs, and UGHs of the WWE

Today I'll be breaking down the OMG's, LOL's, and UGH's in the WWE. My apologies for those three categories, but I wanted to do something different from "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" or "Yay or Neigh". You understand don't you?

OMG to the WWE's push of MVP.  I have a nagging feeling that it's going to get cheesy with Sheri Shepherd worshiping the very ground MVP walks on, but I'm still happy nonetheless. This guy is great on the mic, has a good repertoire of moves in the ring, and continues to improve as time goes on.  I'm sure we're in store for some good things from this man in the future.

LOL to Jeff Hardy getting another title match.  I like the guy, but isn't his contract running out in a couple months?  Couldn't his spot in that four-man battle royal gone to somebody who wants to be wrestling in six months - say, John Morrison, or even the Great Khali?

MEH to this fiasco that is the Santina Marella.  I don't know why, but for some reason Vince McMahon is obsessed with midgets and cross-dressers.  The run-in Santina and Hornswaggle had earlier this week must have wet our WWE Chairman's pants.

OMG at the tease of CM Punk cashing in the MiTB.  I like the way we were given a taste of it, but then had it taken away at the last moment surprisingly by Umaga.  I hope the new CM Punk-Umaga rivalry gives us a couple decent matches, similar to the way we got good matches from the Samoan's last significant rivalry with Jeff Hardy.

LOL at The Miz ragging on John Cena Monday night.  Look, I'm always up for a good Cena-bashing rant or two, but The Miz could only fit in one decent zinger - something about saying how he couldn't see Cena since his movies weren't in theaters long enough - that was sandwiched between the crowd's indifference to him.  The Miz is a very raw talent that I'm afraid isn't ready to tangle with the big dogs.  I would've much rather seen this spot to Mr. Kennedy, who can cut great promos as a face or heel without breaking a sweat.

MEH at Vladimir Kozlov's ground-breaking announcement that he's not only better than everybody on ECW, but that he also looks forward to world domination.  Hmmm... sounds familiar... who was the last guy to say the exact same thing over and over again just a couple months ago?  Oh yea, it was Kozlov.  This guy stands no chance at being entertaining one way or the other.

OMG at all three brands' heavyweight titles switching at Backlash.  I didn't order the PPV myself, since I figured it would be crap.  But hey, any PPV with Cena and Triple H losing the belts, not to mention Triple H getting taken out on a stretcher, is a good PPV in my book.  Kudos to Randy Orton, Edge, and Cristian.

LOL at John Cena coming out after Batista won the #1 Contender spot.  Was I supposed to be impressed by that?  If he was strong enough to come out then, why couldn't he at least acknowledge The Miz earlier in the show?

MEH at  the Superstars show.  If the company barely gives a damn about this show and books mid-to-low-card talent, why should I?

Backlash Preview (Pt. Two)

I'm miserable at the moment from pollen allergies, so I'll just give you my heavy-hitters of Backlash for now. Provided I get better, I'll have the rest of the matches previewed on Sunday.

Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy

Matt Hardy's heel turn has been like wine for me - it sucked right out of the gate (especially since we were all disappointed when Cristian wasn't in that chairshot spot), but it really has gotten better as time has passed. Couple that with murmurs of Jeff Hardy's contract expiring and how he's declined extensions, and it looks like the older brother will come out triumphant yet again. But if that's the way it goes I don't foresee this match being a memorable one since I doubt these two will do anything we haven't seen since Wrestlemania XXV. They've already had a match involving ladders, a stretcher, and they had yet another face-off in the ring this week on Smackdown. As you can see, too many in-ring clashes between these two already has me doubting their PPV match.

Edge vs. John Cena

This is being billed as the be-all-end-all match between these two... somehow I highly doubt that. Anyways, in spite of the rumors of Edge needing time off I don't think he will lose this match. First off, he just came back a couple months ago after that break following his long program with Undertaker... remember that fantastic beard he sported for those couple days?!? Secondly, John Cena taking the title back to RAW wouldn't make sense. Nothing would come of Cena holding the title - the potential feuds that could stem from Edge taking the title back to Smackdown would far outnumber the likely feuds we'd see with Cena.

Also, with the WWE recently saying that the draft will take effect after the upcoming Backlash, RAW would then have two titles should Cena win. And considering that the crowd is behind both him and HHH (even though it's obvious the crowd isn't into Cena as much as the WWE thinks) , it wouldn't make sense if the deservedly popular CM Punk - who solved the issue with two titles on one show last year - swooped in later on and picked up one of their titles again just for the sake of giving back a title to Smackdown.

Randy Orton/Ted Dibiase/Cody Rhodes vs. Triple H/Batista/Shane McMahon

The biggest bust of Wrestlemania XXV was by far the main event. The promos heading into that match were fantastic, and the anger HHH felt each and every time Orton tormented him leading into that main event was palpable. When Triple H "trapped" Cody Rhodes in a steel cage that one RAW, I was going nuts over how good this rivalry had gotten. Truth be told, despite that annoying grabass crap that was going on with HHH, Shane McMahon and Vince McMahon, this first-class feud had been so enjoyable that I found myself rooting for both the champion and the challenger. It's too bad these two had a train wreck of a match unworthy of all they hype it had.

The WWE surely saw their precious WM XXV main event crumble to pieces, and has done whatever damage control they could do since. In came Batista to give this rivalry a twist it sorely needed, and once again despite all the man hugs Batista, HHH, and Shane-O-Mac have apparently been dying to give each other, this rivalry has life once again. Certainly the WWE has set this up nicely should HHH not want to get "embarrassed" and drop the title himself to Orton, what with the champion and his buddies not being able to co-exist at times. But this bout, no matter which way it goes, probably will be the last band aid applied on the proverbial bullet-wound that was the WM XXV main event.

Backlash Preview (Pt. One)

(Taker swoops in and saves the day)

Let's be honest... Wrestlemania XXV was saved by the Shawn Michaels-Undertaker match.  Hell, even Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat gave us a memorable moment or two.  But the PPV was lackluster all-around from the debachery that was the Divas Battle Royal, to the Money-In-the-Bank match which featured more lard than any of us cared for, to the main events that were shockingly disappointing.  And ever since that pathetic attempt at a PPV, the WWE has gone back to cover the tracks of shit they left behind on April 5th.  Rather than begin fresh new clashes in the new "season" after the annual draft, they've done their best to give us more notable matches to close the rivalries that were.  I can't blame them to be honest... they heard us voice our distaste from the havoc in Houston, and responded by giving the most notable busts of Wrestlemania XXV, in essence, a do-over.  

So how is the next PPV, Backlash, shaping up?  Stay tuned for my match-by-match breakdown in the coming days.

Wrestling and Poker...

I'm looking to slowly get away from writing about poker, a passion of mine that will likely make me broke one of these days, and shift into a full-time wrestling site (http://wwerumorsandrants.blogspot.com will be this site's new address). Creatively, I'm just burnt out with poker, and don't really have much to offer that genre since it has been extremely difficult to fit poker into my day-to-day schedule. It's really not a big deal though, as most of the stuff I wrote was more about my poker experience than anything theoretical, so certainly the poker community will barely notice the tiny hole I'm leaving behind.

Anyways, I don't know why I suddenly am focusing most of my creative energy into wrestling. Maybe it's that everything that lead into Wrestlemania XXV and the backlash afterward has got my creative juices flowing again, or maybe it's just that there is so much to analyze and discuss now in the universe that is the WWE. Whatever it is, it's caused me to make my mind up to specifically devote this page to wrestling. I won't necessarily delete my old posts - although as of this post my site has apparently been taken over by a silly search engine that I can only imagine will give my computer an STD if I use it (which has now been fixed) - because maybe I'll suddenly get the moxie to write about poker some time in the future and rant and rave about that once again. So if you were one to pay daily homage to one of my many Phil Ivey-slurping, Doyle Brunson-sputtering posts, have no fear... my posts will still be here. But new poker posts will be no more.

... for now that is...

What's With the Fatties?

Dear WWE,

You’re better than this.

Tagging each and every overweight wrestler who comes into the ring as a “monster” or an “athletic beast” is getting old. The Umagas, the Manus, the JBLs, and the Snitskys need to go… ASAP. Only then will the crowd and your viewers stop laughing at these guys and stop bringing signs such as “I came to see JBL’s droopy boobies”. It’s time to start pushing only the wrestlers in the best shape as the heels rather than the thong-wearing fatties… you know, like you once did with Brock Lesnar, Rhyno, Triple H, and even Batista.

I mean, you already fired Big Daddy V for his ginormous man-boobs, so why not continue the trend?

Sincerely,

A person tired of all the flip-flopping… and not in the political sense

Your Time Is Up, My Time is Now...

So John Cena, unfortunately, went out with another major injury, this time with a herniated disc, and I believe he underwent major surgery just yesterday... and for the record, I wasn't being sarcastic when I said "unfortunately".

Cena, although hated by half the fans, is still one of the top dogs in the WWE and is one of only a handful of wrestlers who receives SOME reaction from the fans as opposed to the diddly-squat reaction an alarmingly large percentage of the roster gets from crowds. I personally am on the fence with him, leaning a little more towards liking him, but most WWE fans above age 15 absolutely despise him. Why? Well, the haters say they hate him for a number of reasons: He has the same old moves, he says the same old things, he can't wrestle, etc.

I beg to differ. His repertoire of the "same old moves" and "same old one-liners" is actually comparable to the number of moves or one-liners any other wrestler has. Yes, Cena's may not be as flashy as those of the more popular wrestlers (like Jeff Hardy, Undertaker, Triple H), but is he supposed to be? His reputation is that of a straightforward, no-nonsense brawler, isn't it?

Anyways, back to what I wanted to get at... Cena, whether you like it or not, is pushed as a face. He sells things from the WWE Shop like few others can, and just because most of those items are for the younger fans doesn't change the fact that he moves merchandise. However, even as a semi-Cena fan, I agree that his time as a face is up. They've gone nowhere(I can't stress that enough) with his character since Wrestlemania, and although he's faced the likes of Triple H and Batista since then, each rivalry lasted one or two months tops, when really, those showdowns had 3-5 months of shelf life each. The only reason they didn't last longer was because two faces were going against each other, and a face vs. face showdown rarely can last more than two months in the business. So what does the WWE need to do to fix this problem?

Turn John Cena into a heel.

I know the WWE is probably hesitant to make such a drastic move, seeing that they make oodles of money off Cena-related merchandise. But if Cena turns heel, the company really will be better off in the long-run. There will be more opportunities for longer rivalries amongst him and other top wrestlers, a better chance to market Cena to the over-15 crowd (with whom, in his previous run as a heel, was popular with), and more tasty promos are all possible with just this simple switch. And besides, the last time the WWE took a chance (CM Punk), ratings went as high as they ever were in the last year, at least for a few weeks.

So what do you say WWE? Is Cena's time as a face up, and his time as a heel now?

(go ahead, roll your eyes)

WWE Summer Homeruns and Strikeouts

WWE Homeruns

• Pushing young talent to championship-level contenders
• Edge’s soap opera-esque drama
• Everything Santino Marella did
• Batista vs. John Cena
• Pushing Divas, Michelle McCool and Mickie James, to heights we haven’t seen since Trish and Lita
• Unveiling an interesting option as RAW General Manager

WWE Strikeouts

• Triple H vs. Khali (a bit WTF)
• not allowing CM Punk to become a “legitimate” champion (just look at how he’s retained his championship every time)
• Further tarnishing the once prestigious Intercontinental Championship by relegating it to low-card status (at least until very recently)
• Pushing too many large, heel wrestlers as “monsters”
• Not giving a damn about the ECW
• On average, only allowing 32-37 minutes of wrestling per episode

Monday Night RAW Review 7/7/08: RAW of Average

Heading into Monday night I was nothing but amped about RAW, as their previous two shows were nothing but a delight to watch. The draft, which aired two weeks ago, lived up to its hype because all the right wrestlers were moved to the right places (for the most part), and created some potential mouth-watering rivalries . Last week’s episode, unexpectedly, was even better than the draft, as CM Punk relieved Edge of his title in Edge-esque fashion by cashing in his MITB briefcase when the rated R superstar was down. So after bearing witness to two classic episodes back-to-back, why shouldn’t I have expected another excellent episode; one where we saw those exciting new rivalries unfold?

Because, apparently, nobody told me that WWE creative returned from their two-week vacation just in time to muck things up (I would’ve liked to use another word there beside “muck”, but since I’m writing this from the office, I found the closest possible word).

You see, all joking aside, the last two weeks weren’t a sign of things to come, as I proclaimed in my previous column where I said the WWE “was back”… sighhhh, how naive I can sometimes be. Those two weeks were just two weeks where creative overachieved… something they tend to do a couple times each year. Now, after two of the best shows we’d seen in all of ‘08, creative returned to their normal selves followed up with this for the most recent episode:

• CM Punk vs. Snitsky…,…,… bwah?
• A segment where John Cena spraypaints “JBL is Poopy” on JBL’s limo… ugh
• Kofi Kingston vs. Charlie Haas… CHARLIE HAAS?!?

First off, CM Punk vs. Snitsky came out of nowhere. They have had nothing to do with each other, and it should have stayed that way. Other viable opponents for Punk could’ve been Paul Burchill, Chuck Palumbo, Cody Rhodes, or even Ted DiBiase Jr… you know, somebody who has at least been in the ring these last couple of weeks. The Kofi Kingston vs. Charlie Haas match was also confusing, out of the blue, and absolutely made no sense. But the segment of Cena spraypainting “JBL is Poopy” on JBL’s limo really took the shitty shitty carrot-cake. Bravo WWE creative, bravo; that was some of your finer work.

The only highlights of the night were the solid promo between Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels, Kane turning heel, and the pretty decent fatal 4-way main event that had JBL, Batista, John Cena, and Kane battle it out for the #1 contender spot (Speaking of which, the match was fun to watch, and I was glad to see Batista take the match home, as a Batista-CM Punk rivalry is something I’ve been hoping for since I saw them both get drafted to RAW) .

So there you have it-another night filled with WTF’s and ???’s. Expect the trend, for the most part, to continue. Expect the WWE to have Cena continue to make himself likable to children so that the WWE can keep churning out merchandise sales, but also expect Cena to ostracize himself from everybody else above the age of 10 aka the WWE’s TARGET FREAKING MARKET.

Expect Kofi Kingston to be placed in random, out-of-nowhere matches, and for the IC title’s once-prestigious reputation to continue to lose its luster.

Expect the WWE to rip CM Punk, the most likable, heavyweight championship-worthy wrestler to come along to RAW in a long time, away from the WWE Heavyweight Championship.

Basically, just expect nothing. That way, once WWE creative goes on another two-week vacation, we’ll be that much happier when something relevant, something fun, something that makes sense, happens. I know it’s a glass-half-empty view, but I’d be damned if it wasn’t the right one.