Attention Whores

Up to this day during my time here on the planet, I have generally led a calm, peaceful lifestyle. I've only gotten into fisticuffs with another person one time... and even then I was maybe 10 or 11 years old, so that doesn't really count. Very rarely do things truly get me angry nowadays, and to some degree that can be both an asset and a flaw of mine depending on the situation. But one of the few things that does really bother me and evoke a strong emotion is an attention whore.

For those of you not familiar with the term, look no further than Bret Favre of the Minnesota Vikings as an example. This man, no matter how you guys want to put it, had ESPN wrapped around his fucking finger as every uptight sports anchor with god-knows-what shoved up his/her already-puckered asshole awaits his next press conference or public statement. For fuck's sake, he even had Rachel Nicols in front of one of his homes, reporting on how he just mowed his own grass!

No 40-year-old quarterback coming off an elbow injury deserves attention of this magnitude, but you know Favre basks in this crap, thinking to himself "They never learn... same shit year after year". Anyways, the reason I'm bringing Favre up, albeit maybe a week too late, is because all the coverage surrounding him had me thinking about some of the top attention whores in wrestling... and let me let you in on a little secret - there are plenty of em!

As much as I love the guy, Chris Jericho may be the biggest media whore around. I don't know what it was that so radically changed him during his recent hiatus from wrestling, but the guy not only came out on the other end of it attaching his face to every garbage VH1 "Top x" lists, but he came out thinking his band - for some reason - was freaking U2. Now, I'm not knocking his wrestling talents at all - for the record he's #2 on my list of top assets in the WWE. But if I ever have to put up with him watch him Tweet away like an idiot (oh wait...), or worse yet, promote his band on RAW again, I may have to swallow a gun barrel and call it a life.

Another attention whore who hogs the WWE limelight is the Schizophrenic Top-dog Unable to Put together Impressive Disputes. That's right ladies and gentlemen, the one and only S.T.U.P.I.D.!!! Yes, I know part of his character is to be theatrical and over-the-top, but when this fool makes a mockery of wrestling by flexing at the front and center of shows (see: The Stan Kroenke segment, any of the Million Dollar Giveaway segments, etc) just so he can entertain him and only himself, the entire product suffers. Yes, we get it Vince, the WWE wouldn't be the same without you... it would be better! But I won't hit you guys with that yet again... that has been discussed ad nauseum throughout my columns.

John Cena sounds like the perfect wrestler: hard work ethic, eats and breathes the WWE, and appeals to many different demographics. The thing is though, I can see right through him (and no, that's not me making a fucking hacky pun of Cena's catch phrase). This guy, although he doesn't win as much as he used to, definitely carries a big stick behind the scenes and uses his position as Vince's but-buddy to his advantage.

It was just recently made public knowledge that when he first came into the WWE he saw a stale product. So what did he do about it? After solidifying himself as the company man of all company mans, he went to Vince and said that the WWE was so stale that the product needed to become PG. Words... cannot describe... my anger... with that statement. I pray (and I'm not one for praying) that you all see the irony in that. If not, you're a lost cause. Ultimately, I think Cena is probably good for the WWE at the moment, but his reputation is that of a class-act professional... I see him more as a Triple H-type behind the scenes, but that's just me.

Speak of the devil, here's the biggest attention whore the WWE has ever seen... Triple H! That's right! The man who participated in the most disappointing main event in Wrestlemania history! The man who, by himself, built a glass ceiling for the entireRAW roster! The man who can't take it when he doesn't have a title at least every four months! The man who inspired the Edge-Vicky Guerrero storyline! Had enough? Yea me too.

My Top Five Most Annoying Athletes of our Generation

Enjoy...

1. Bret Favre

2. Terrell Owens

3. Chad Johnson

4. LeBron James

5. LaDainian Tomlinson

(subject to change)

David Ortiz Tested Positive...

Let's just throw Cal Ripken and Ken Griffey into the steroid mix and call it an era.

Ugh...

A coworker had her grandson brought in just a minute ago. Like clockwork, every woman in the office crowded around the baby and spoke in that annoying voice. Their uteruses were practically glowing.

Night of Champions Preview

I've never ordered this PPV in my life, and tonight will be no different. There tends to be a lot of hype heading into this one what with all the titles being on line. But from what I remember, there generally aren't too many titles that change hands this night, which is why the WWE will never get my 50 bucks in the month of July.

For those of you who agree with me and never order this gimmicky PPV, have no fear; I have all the results right here. That's right... I'm so freaking confident in my predictions, I'm calling them the RESULTS!

WWE Women’s Championship
- Michelle McCool (c) vs. Melina

No matter how good Melina is, this match will be ruined by McCool, who I now liken to being so boring that she will henceforth be known as the female Great Khali. She can look as hot as she wants (on the last Smackdown she looked especially bang-able), but she'll never get a wrestling stamp of approval from me. Anyways, the female Great Khali is taking this down, and only because The Undertaker, her rumored boyfriend at the moment, probably thinks like she needs another significant reign as champion to further destroy the Women's division.

Pick - the female Great Khali

WWE Divas Championship
- Maryse (c) vs. Mickie James

Speaking of being "especially bang-able", Maryse has grown in front of our very eyes. She has gotten to the point that I believe she plays her character so well that I wouldn't be surprised the least bit if she really were a gloating, catty, egomaniacal Diva. Anyways, both Maryse and James are at the top of a very short list of entertaining Diva wrestlers, and this match won't let anybody down. I expect James to win the strap, and only because that would be the best possible result in order to continue this surprisingly entertaining rivalry.

Pick - Mickie James

WWE Unified Tag Team Championship Match
- Chris Jericho & ? (c’s) vs. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase

Jericho hinted at his potential tag-team partner on Twitter, saying that his partner will "be EVIL". My guess is that Kane will be his partner, and my prediction is that Jericho and Kane won't relinquish their belts. I see no reason for Rhodes and DiBiase to win the titles, other than to do the whole clichéd "every member of this faction (Legacy) has gold". Plus, having Jericho hold on to the belts allows for him to make an appearance on any brand, which allows for further flexibility in top-card wrestling matchups.

Pick: Chris Jericho and ?

WWE United States Championship – Six Pack Challenge
- Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Big Show vs. MVP vs. Carlito vs. Jack Swagger vs. The Miz

Every once in a while the WWE runs out of things to do with much of their talent. And for some strange reason every time this happens, the powers that be lazily deem it ok to have, what I like to call, A Storyline-Avoiding Clusterfuck. That would be this. One would think, judging from all the positive reactions that MVP and Swagger got from their rivalry, that it would be ok to let them continue their program and build it up to the point where they deserve their own PPV match, but no... creative gets too lazy. The same even goes for Kingston and Big Show. Anyways, I'm just ranting now, but I will say that this match has a chance to steal the show; and the person coming out on top will be The Big Show.

Pick - The Big Show

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
- Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler

As much as I hate to say it, Ziggler has impressed the hell out of me. I actually look forward to his matches, which is far from what I felt about him when he first came along. Anyhow, considering Jeff Hardy is leaving Smackdown soon, the title needs to go to Ziggler to help build his character and to help fill that void at the top. Mysterio retaining will do nothing for the WWE.

Pick - Dolph Ziggler

ECW Championship Match
- Tommy Dreamer (c) vs. Christian

I have a confession... I haven't watched ECW in a month. I've been too busy, ummmm, picking my nose? Playing video games? Staring at the ceiling? The point is, ever since ECW got raped of all their talent in that lame Trump trade, the program hasn't been worthy of my clearly-precious time. And with that, I'm flipping a coin for this match. Heads - Dreamer, and Tails - Christian... ... ... ... ... Tails! Christian wins! Christian wins!

Pick - Christian

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match
- CM Punk (c) vs. Jeff Hardy

This one is easy. With Hardy leaving as soon as his contract expires, there is zero chance he will win. I expect Punk to somehow weasel his way out of this one and retain. To be honest, with how impressive Punk been as of his heel turn, he deserves it.

Pick - CM Punk

WWE Championship – Triple Threat Match
- Randy Orton (c) vs. Triple H vs. John Cena

I get the feeling we've been here before... hmmmmmm. Wasn't this one of the main evens a couple Wrestlemania's ago? Hmmmmmm. And why do I want to watch this even again? Have any of these three been anything but disappointing this whole last year? Am I turning into one of those annoying people who make points by asking questions?

Pick - John Cena

Mr. Kennedy's Moniker

(In light of Ken Anderson's recent post on 'The Heyman Hustle', I almost canceled out this article altogether. Unfortunately, I've come down with a bad case of writer's block, and this is really the best I have to offer. Ugh, I'm not selling this article to you, the reader, very well am I? I'll shut my mouth now...)

Ladies and gentlemen... from Burke, Virginia... Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... BHATIAAAAAAA......

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BHATIAAAAA!

Welcome back to this edition of Neil's Highlight Reel. I was ---> <--- close to never returning from my cruise and becoming an illegal immigrant in the beautiful city of Freeport, Bahamas. But foreign customs outwitted me yet again - damn those party-poopers. So here I am, ready to get back into it.

It has been reported that Mr. Anderson aka Mr. Kennedy got back into ring with Umaga just a little while ago... unfortunately it was all for a promotion outside of the WWE, but it's all gravy. Anyhow, a video that surfaced on Youtube revealed that Mr. Kennedy was, at least for that one night, granted the right to use the name Mr. Kennedy, as he used that moniker the same way he always has during his match intro. This video made me pitch a tent in my pants had me excited because I thought that maybe, just maybe, S.T.U.P.I.D. finally lightened up (check my previous articles if you don't get that acronym) and let Ken Anderson have the name back. But another video I found shortly after this one conflicted with that, as seemingly before the match during an autograph session, my dreamy soul mate favorite wrestler claimed he was now to be known by his real name, Mr. Anderson.

So what am I, a 14-year-old-fangirl-stuck-in-the-body-of-a-23-year-old-male, supposed to think? To which name will my hero be returning with in just over a month? Here are the possibilities:

Sr. Kennedy - Only in countries where the lawns stay mowed... just kidding! God it's fun to be brown + racist... it's a good way to keep you all on your toes. Besides, I'm 100% sure the Webmaster for this site wet his pants when he read that, and any obscene sayings that can potentially wet the webmaster's pants are alright in my book.

Mr. Kennedy-Kennedy - The only issue I can see with this is, when ring announcers, play-by-play guys, backstage interviewers, and other wrestlers have to say the name themselves, it won't sound good since they'll all be saying it twice. And considering Mr. Kennedy is the only person who should be saying the name so nice it needs to be said twice, it would lose its je ne sais quois.

Mr. Kenedy - No I'm not retarded... I know that is an 'n' short, and your reaction to that name is exactly why this version wouldn't work in the least. It looks awful, and selling merchandise with this moniker on it would be a disaster.

Mr. Anderson - Don't do it Ken. Don't do it! The name "Mr. Anderson" only belongs in green-screen movies with Keanu Reeve's lifeless face!

Mr. Kenneday - This is the one. It can be pronounced exactly as it was in the WWE by fans and wrestlers alike, plus it doesn't look bad at all on paper. Sadly, it doesn't look like Ken will be keeping any form of Mr. Kennedy, but I'll keep my fingers crossed just in case.

Top Five Michael Jackson Songs (Updated)

Pretty simple post here...

UPDATE: I slept on Dirty Diana... god what a song.

1. Dirty Diana (replacing Man in the Mirror, which was at #5)
2. Billy Jean
3. Beat It
4. Don't Stop Till You Get Enough
5. Thriller


RIP Michael.

The Donald's Point?

What is this?!? THREE POSTS FOR EACH OF THE LAST THREE DAYS IN A ROW?!? Don't get used to it... I fully intend to eventually ditch this site and just watch Transformers 2 every day for the rest of my remaining life so I can see Megan Fox prance around in slow-motion while she wears those wonderful short-shorts. And yes, I would die a happy man if that happened.

(sidebar: To truly exhibit my distaste for Vince McMahon, from here on out I will no longer refer to that man by his name. Henceforth, he will be known as the Schizophrenic Top-dog Unable to Put together Impressive Disputes... aka S.T.U.P.I.D. I'm going to try it out and see if it works... if you have any suggestions, let me know.)

Two weeks ago we all could not wait for the big announcement S.T.U.P.I.D. (yea, that works) claimed he had in store for us on the 6/15 edition of Monday Night RAW. Naturally, since that particular episode was being held in North Carolina, and since rumor had it that Ric Flair - a revered man in the same state - was foaming at the mouth in anticipation of getting back into the ring, we fans thought we were putting two and two together by figuring that Flair would be named GM of RAW. How wrong we were.

S.T.U.P.I.D. stunned us all when he announced he was (kayfabe) selling the Monday night show off to, of all people, Donald Trump. Clearly S.T.U.P.I.D. went all Alzheimer's on us and forgot that he used Trump just a couple Wrestlemanias ago, but I guess that's neither here nor there now. Anyways, after that revelation came to light the internet was flooded with every schmo's opinion on what possibilities could come of this. Some suggested that this was the lead-in to SummerSlam. Others thought this was just a ratings ploy that would span only a couple weeks, maybe a month. Even a Smackdown (ran by S.T.U.P.I.D.) vs. Raw (ran by Trump) storyline was suggested on one site. But despite my disgust for Trump and his tired schtick - which I've already ranted about on one of the XHeadlines radio shows - I have to admit that the possibilities for this situation were numerous.

But one week later in the same surprising fashion, S.T.U.P.I.D. bought back RAW from Trump in what I can only call one of the most artificial segments I've ever watched. I was shocked. And no, not because we had witnessed ownership change hands on RAW for the second consecutive week. I was shocked because I thought the WWE had set themselves up for a compelling couple of weeks open to mainstream media attention by bringing The Donald in, but they threw that opportunity on the ground and took a big giant "poopy" on it... John Cena style.

Now a full business week after the trainwreck, the short, succinct "power struggle" over RAW still blows my mind. I can't even wrap my head around why the WWE would bother bringing in such a big name if the person would only be around for a short time. Did the WWE think that we'd be so distracted by that dead cat on Trump's head that we wouldn't realize how manic the last few weeks had been?

It's possible that this was just a trial run to see if they could use Trump or a person of similar stature down the road - which an official WWE press release sort of confirmed when it said that there remained a chance of the business mogul and S.T.U.P.I.D. could collide yet again. Sadly (sense the sarcasm?), I can't envision yet another scenario where Trump re-enters the WWE Universe. But hey, I was saying the exact same thing last time he showed his ugly mug.

Obviously, short-term ratings - the simplest reason of them all - could be the explanation behind Trump's hello/goodbye. Ratings spiked from the normal range of RAW's 3.1 - 3.5 up above 4.0. Granted, some of that may be due to the ad-free aspect of that RAW, but if it were quantifiable I'd bet that the attention Trump got was more responsible for that bump than the missing commercials. On top of that, the WWE's upcoming pay-per-view "The Bash" has as much momentum heading into it as the next Charlie Haas match. Trump may have made his appearance solely to boost interest in the PPV even though, at the moment, looks like he'll have nothing to do with it.

If I had to take a guess though, my explanation behind this whole ordeal has more to do with the kayfabe storyline. One thing I noticed is that the move turned the fans on S.T.U.P.I.D. in a big way, since he went as far as saying that the fans didn't deserve all the things Trump was doing for them (which obviously garnered a strong negative fan reaction). I would pat myself on the back for solving this puzzle, but shortly after Vince "bought back" RAW he put Randy Orton in a Three Stages of Hell title match against none other than the wrestler currently laying the wood to his daughter (a move the fans cheered). That sorta throws my whole theory behind Trump off, but hey, if they WWE blatantly ignores character history amongst their wrestlers, then I can conveniently ignore what I want.

I have to say though - turning S.T.U.P.I.D.'s character around, if that is indeed what creative was going for, makes for some juicy television in the coming months. We could have a heel GM hire as soon as the next RAW (William Regal anybody?). Vince could even turn on HHH, although that wouldn't make any sense at all. A babyface could get a big push by standing up to S.T.U.P.I.D. and his potential heel character down the road (like MVP's now-rotting corpse). Sadly that babyface could've been (of course) Mr. Kennedy, and Kennedy vs. S.T.U.P.I.D. would have had the chance to push the WWE to a new level, but nooooooooooo... S.T.U.P.I.D. had to be a little pissant and fire him. Oh well.

There I go, off on a tangent again... ladies and gentlemen, your daily Mr. Kennedy rant! On that note, I'm out. My brain is about to explode.

Remembering The King of Pop

It is the rarest of occasions for my mom and I to sit down and watch, of all things, CNN. I can count on just my two hands the few times we've glared at the TV to watch as a headlining story unfolded... The OJ Simpson verdict, 9/11, the DC sniper, and most recently, the Virginia Tech tragedy. Never before has a celebrity death single-handedly silenced the entire household. But your death, pardon my phrasing, did the trick.

For my parents you were the only English music worth listening to when they first immigrated to the US many years ago. And even to this day, the only time my mother tolerates any non-native music is yours! Your albums were probably the first piece of pop culture they sampled, and although they never fully immersed themselves into American music, you did give them a little something they enjoyed.

I, on the other hand, never got to see you in person. Hell, I've never seen any musical acts in person... not one! But God knows if I had the chance to see you live, I would've done anything to do so. And even though I was but a wee little boy when you became the most recognizable face on the planet, I've come to immensely appreciate your legacy now - two decades after your dominance at the top of the charts.

If anything, you can see, just within the confines of my own tiny family, how important you were. Maybe you weren't a friend or family member to us, but you were one of the rare and few things my family and I shared.

I have to admit that, while CNN was still gathering all the details of the situation, I was holding on to some hope yet. Officially the news channels hadn't confirmed your death, and although all signs pointed towards what we now know as the truth, I still was grasping onto the off-chance that you were alive. But with the confirmation coming merely minutes after I turned on the TV, my heart sunk just a little.

Now, though, is the time to remember just what you meant to the world. You were the King of Pop. A singer. A dancer. A performer. An icon. But most of all, you were the voice of many generations - both past and present, and will remain so for the generations to come.

RIP Michael Jackson.

Megan Fox

Off to see Megan Fox and the supposedly-terrible Transformers 2... I think she'll be worth the price of admission though.