Things Ain't Changing...

It's starting to sound like I'm somebody who just likes to complain for the sake of it, but really I'm not. In general I am a positive person who sees more good than bad in things. It's just the WWE, really, that I have issues with these days, as it really looks like nothing is changing in that damn company.

Yes, I occassionally hear, as you do, that S.T.U.P.I.D. went off on somebody backstage about how they haven't built up any stars, and maybe that does mean something for that day that Vince blows up. Yet, this past Sunday on Bragging Rights - yet another gimmicky PPV I will never buy - we saw who win the heavyweight titles? John Cena and The Undertaker. Like we've never seen that before. Only God and SyFy nerds who desperately pray that Battlestar Galactica comes back as they sob in their mom's attic know... wait, where was I going again? Oh yea - nobody knows, or gives a fuck who the ECW Champion is, so that's not worth mentioning. But I digress...

What comes of Cena holding the title? Well... I got nothing. It was revealed this past RAW that the champ will be defending his belt against Triple H and Shawn Michaels in a triple threat match next PPV, but what good does that do? Maybe, just maybe, the WWE will finally do us a favor and end DX once and for all? Doubtful. Especially considering the merchandise that sorry-excuse-for-its-former-self tag team moves. But even if that were to happen, is that something we want to see? Not I, because Triple H and Shawn Michaels get moved back into singles roles - and as much as I can't stand DX anymore, I'd rather them stay together and ruin just one or two segments a night rather than see the two go their separate ways and ruin half the show each week.

It's not really that I have an issue with Cena actually holding the title. I get it - he's the company man, and he who sucks S.T.U.P.I.D.'s wang gets the strap put on em every few months. But the way the company has a knack for putting Cena in less-than-stellar feuds that ultimately end in Cena ripping open his shirt to show the world he is, in fact, Superman in the flesh, gets old. And all the while as he does this, his convincing victories where he, for the millionth time, triumphs all odds, negates any progress his antagonists has made the last few months [see: The Miz (2009), Shawn Michaels (2007), Legacy (2009), The Big Show (numerous times), etc].

As for the Undertaker, let me just put it like this - the man has only been able to put on a good match just a handful of times each year. His gimmick is stale, and frankly, over-the-top corny. I will give him all the props in the world though for his legendary feats, but if I have to sit through another promo which he ends with "Rest In Peace", I will be playing Russian Roulette by myself with a fully loaded pistol.

That is all.

Something I'm Currently Obsessed With (Pt. 1)

Just a cool vid I thought I'd pass along. Watched it maybe 20 times already.

Shane McMahon...

So it looks like Shane McMahon resigned from the WWE. Obviously us nostalgic bunch got a rod every time Shane O' Mac graced us with his presence on WWE programming, as it almost always made for good entertainment, so it's definitely sad to see him go.

But can you honestly say you didn't see this coming? For years now, all indicators have pointed towards Stephanie taking over the WWE whenever S.T.U.P.I.D. stepped down. Shane's fresh vision for the WWE, which heavily leaned towards, uhhhhhh, that thing called wrestling, greatly differed from the cheap-laughs-crap that S.T.U.P.I.D., S.T.U.P.I.D.'s princess, and the man taxing S.T.U.P.I.D.'s princess all envisioned. God what I would give to be in Lavesque's shoes. Can you imagine the things he does to her? Better yet, can you imagine the things she... sorry, I'm getting off-topic. Let's move on.

I know it's become a clichè to say that the WWE is heading down the tubes - that's been beaten to death, and giving you guys the 10 billionth-and-first article on that subject would be torture for both you and me. What hasn't been said though is that Shane was one of the few who had a long-term plan and had some influence to boot. No I didn't think he wasn't ever going to bring back the WWE to a respectable level all by his lonesome... we'll probably never have an era like that again. But just knowing that somebody back there, well, somebody who was occasionally back there and wasn't one of S.T.U.P.I.D.'s lackeys has always been good enough for me. And now, we have one less of those guys.

We now return to your regularly-scheduled dick-sucking, team creative. Go nuts on those shriveled... nah, too easy.

Hmmmm

Whatever happened to the good ol' days where, with a college course, you could just show up for exams and any other important days and do just fine? Since when did we all need to be babied and have our hand held through each and every class?

Just sayin...

XHeadlines...

So it seems my gig as a columnist at XHeadlines has come to a close. I really couldn't explain why it ended even if I tried, because I don't know myself to be quite honest. All I can say is that it did indeed end.

It's weird because I thought I had somewhat of a good thing going with Jacob Spades, the webmaster of the site: we were shuckin and jivin in our somewhat regular podcasts, and I really had a vested interest in the growth of that site, bouncing ideas for it off him whenever we spoke on the phone. I mean, I know I wasn't technically doing much outside of the columns and the few podcasts I was in, but I did still feel like a bigger part of the site.

Anyways, I left a message for Jacob a couple days ago... and no response yet. I guess it's no different than any of the other 8-10 times I tried to contact him, but something as important as this, at least in my mind, I thought would have elicited some semblance of a response. Who knows... maybe the guy is just going through some tough times and would rather not deal with this at the moment, or maybe I just wasn't as integral a part of their big-picture as I thought I was. The evidence towards the latter certainly indicates as much.

A Radio Show of Note...

Many of us listen to radio to help pass the time as we work our asses off in our little cubicles. I personally was fortunate enough to stumble across WJFK about 18 months ago while searching for new music. Almost instantly I got hooked to the entire lineup of shows, from The Junkies in the morning through The Mike O'Meara show (previously The Don and Mike Show) during the afternoon drive back home. Both shows brought different things to the table, but it was the show sandwiched between those shows, The Big O and Dukes Show, that really did it for me.

These guys (Oscar Santana, Chad Dukes, and Matt Cahill) weren't your standard corny DJ's who did the whole tired, but proven-to-work shock jock kinda stuff. They were real people who were just legitimately funny in their own right, and they constantly interacted with listeners either by taking as many calls during the show as possible, keeping in touch on Facebook, hanging out at local fast-food joints, or hosting events of all kinds. Sadly, the station became a victim of the sports-talk fad that has all but killed free talk radio, and the show was cancelled.

Inevitably they'll have another run on some kind of satellite/HD radio station, but for those of us who are anxiously awaiting their return, below is a video put together of some of the many great moments on the show. Enjoy.

NBA Referees Let Go

"The NBA announced Friday that it would train replacement officials after failing to reach an agreement on a new contract with its referees union."

Best thing to happen to the NBA in a while. I don't know how an entire group of senior citizens managed to hang onto jobs that require quick reflexes, perfect vision, and quick thinking, for so long. This group of idiots have ruined the NBA for, oh, 20 years now - ruining a perfecting good basketball game by inserting themselves in the limelight whenever they needed attention.

Good riddance.

Grounded Greenhorns

Back in May I bestowed upon you an epic two-part piece on the up-and-comers of the WWE titled "The Greenhorns of Grappling". Mass hysteria ensued after it was published, and rightfully so. You may be wondering why I'm tooting my own horn considering I was not 100% accurate regarding how each of the wrestlers would fare in the months following that column. But really, if any of you claim you knew how it would turn out for each wrestler all along, you're lying to yourself you jerks.

All kidding aside, I look back on the two-parter and I can't help but wonder what I was thinking at the time. Did I really call Matt Hardy a "greenhorn"? Why wasn't Dolph Ziggler in the column? And MVP in the top 3? Really? I don't know, maybe I was heavily under the influence of [insert type of alcohol/drug here, your guess is as good as mine], or maybe my own personal preferences of wrestlers got in the way.

And look, even if I was wrong about half the people on the list, I stand by my assertion that each and every one of those guys still has a chance to make something of themselves in the industry. But for whatever reason, they're either no longer employed by a major wrestling company, no longer getting a push that makes sense, or they just couldn't put the fucking booze down and stop their pot-belly from growing (I'm looking at you Matt Hardy).

So let's do this. You thought that last two-parter on the Greenhorns of Grappling was epic?

(crickets)

...


(moar crickets)

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(now-bored crickets)

No? Just me? Well fuck.

Either way, brace yourselves for an actually-epic ten-parter on the Grounded Greenhorns of Grappling, a series dedicated to each wrestler of note in my original two-part column. Not only will we be discussing what could have been and what still could be, but also what has gone wrong, how it went wrong, and most importantly, why it went wrong.

Now now, for those of you who have just about had it with greenhorns/schmeenhorns, fear not... this won't be the only thing I'll be writing here in the coming weeks. Intertwined with this series will also be my not-so-regular posts! And soon enough I'm also hoping to finally get a hold of XHeadlines' webmaster (HI JACOB SPADES!!! CALL ME?!?!?), to get back to those podcasts we were once knocking out of the park.

And now I've painted myself into a corner - I really can't come up with an ending other than the cliche'd "Stay tuned". So, ummmmm...

I'm Ron Burgandy. Go fuck yourself San Diego.

Attention Whores

Up to this day during my time here on the planet, I have generally led a calm, peaceful lifestyle. I've only gotten into fisticuffs with another person one time... and even then I was maybe 10 or 11 years old, so that doesn't really count. Very rarely do things truly get me angry nowadays, and to some degree that can be both an asset and a flaw of mine depending on the situation. But one of the few things that does really bother me and evoke a strong emotion is an attention whore.

For those of you not familiar with the term, look no further than Bret Favre of the Minnesota Vikings as an example. This man, no matter how you guys want to put it, had ESPN wrapped around his fucking finger as every uptight sports anchor with god-knows-what shoved up his/her already-puckered asshole awaits his next press conference or public statement. For fuck's sake, he even had Rachel Nicols in front of one of his homes, reporting on how he just mowed his own grass!

No 40-year-old quarterback coming off an elbow injury deserves attention of this magnitude, but you know Favre basks in this crap, thinking to himself "They never learn... same shit year after year". Anyways, the reason I'm bringing Favre up, albeit maybe a week too late, is because all the coverage surrounding him had me thinking about some of the top attention whores in wrestling... and let me let you in on a little secret - there are plenty of em!

As much as I love the guy, Chris Jericho may be the biggest media whore around. I don't know what it was that so radically changed him during his recent hiatus from wrestling, but the guy not only came out on the other end of it attaching his face to every garbage VH1 "Top x" lists, but he came out thinking his band - for some reason - was freaking U2. Now, I'm not knocking his wrestling talents at all - for the record he's #2 on my list of top assets in the WWE. But if I ever have to put up with him watch him Tweet away like an idiot (oh wait...), or worse yet, promote his band on RAW again, I may have to swallow a gun barrel and call it a life.

Another attention whore who hogs the WWE limelight is the Schizophrenic Top-dog Unable to Put together Impressive Disputes. That's right ladies and gentlemen, the one and only S.T.U.P.I.D.!!! Yes, I know part of his character is to be theatrical and over-the-top, but when this fool makes a mockery of wrestling by flexing at the front and center of shows (see: The Stan Kroenke segment, any of the Million Dollar Giveaway segments, etc) just so he can entertain him and only himself, the entire product suffers. Yes, we get it Vince, the WWE wouldn't be the same without you... it would be better! But I won't hit you guys with that yet again... that has been discussed ad nauseum throughout my columns.

John Cena sounds like the perfect wrestler: hard work ethic, eats and breathes the WWE, and appeals to many different demographics. The thing is though, I can see right through him (and no, that's not me making a fucking hacky pun of Cena's catch phrase). This guy, although he doesn't win as much as he used to, definitely carries a big stick behind the scenes and uses his position as Vince's but-buddy to his advantage.

It was just recently made public knowledge that when he first came into the WWE he saw a stale product. So what did he do about it? After solidifying himself as the company man of all company mans, he went to Vince and said that the WWE was so stale that the product needed to become PG. Words... cannot describe... my anger... with that statement. I pray (and I'm not one for praying) that you all see the irony in that. If not, you're a lost cause. Ultimately, I think Cena is probably good for the WWE at the moment, but his reputation is that of a class-act professional... I see him more as a Triple H-type behind the scenes, but that's just me.

Speak of the devil, here's the biggest attention whore the WWE has ever seen... Triple H! That's right! The man who participated in the most disappointing main event in Wrestlemania history! The man who, by himself, built a glass ceiling for the entireRAW roster! The man who can't take it when he doesn't have a title at least every four months! The man who inspired the Edge-Vicky Guerrero storyline! Had enough? Yea me too.

My Top Five Most Annoying Athletes of our Generation

Enjoy...

1. Bret Favre

2. Terrell Owens

3. Chad Johnson

4. LeBron James

5. LaDainian Tomlinson

(subject to change)