David Ortiz Tested Positive...

Let's just throw Cal Ripken and Ken Griffey into the steroid mix and call it an era.

Ugh...

A coworker had her grandson brought in just a minute ago. Like clockwork, every woman in the office crowded around the baby and spoke in that annoying voice. Their uteruses were practically glowing.

Night of Champions Preview

I've never ordered this PPV in my life, and tonight will be no different. There tends to be a lot of hype heading into this one what with all the titles being on line. But from what I remember, there generally aren't too many titles that change hands this night, which is why the WWE will never get my 50 bucks in the month of July.

For those of you who agree with me and never order this gimmicky PPV, have no fear; I have all the results right here. That's right... I'm so freaking confident in my predictions, I'm calling them the RESULTS!

WWE Women’s Championship
- Michelle McCool (c) vs. Melina

No matter how good Melina is, this match will be ruined by McCool, who I now liken to being so boring that she will henceforth be known as the female Great Khali. She can look as hot as she wants (on the last Smackdown she looked especially bang-able), but she'll never get a wrestling stamp of approval from me. Anyways, the female Great Khali is taking this down, and only because The Undertaker, her rumored boyfriend at the moment, probably thinks like she needs another significant reign as champion to further destroy the Women's division.

Pick - the female Great Khali

WWE Divas Championship
- Maryse (c) vs. Mickie James

Speaking of being "especially bang-able", Maryse has grown in front of our very eyes. She has gotten to the point that I believe she plays her character so well that I wouldn't be surprised the least bit if she really were a gloating, catty, egomaniacal Diva. Anyways, both Maryse and James are at the top of a very short list of entertaining Diva wrestlers, and this match won't let anybody down. I expect James to win the strap, and only because that would be the best possible result in order to continue this surprisingly entertaining rivalry.

Pick - Mickie James

WWE Unified Tag Team Championship Match
- Chris Jericho & ? (c’s) vs. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase

Jericho hinted at his potential tag-team partner on Twitter, saying that his partner will "be EVIL". My guess is that Kane will be his partner, and my prediction is that Jericho and Kane won't relinquish their belts. I see no reason for Rhodes and DiBiase to win the titles, other than to do the whole clichéd "every member of this faction (Legacy) has gold". Plus, having Jericho hold on to the belts allows for him to make an appearance on any brand, which allows for further flexibility in top-card wrestling matchups.

Pick: Chris Jericho and ?

WWE United States Championship – Six Pack Challenge
- Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Big Show vs. MVP vs. Carlito vs. Jack Swagger vs. The Miz

Every once in a while the WWE runs out of things to do with much of their talent. And for some strange reason every time this happens, the powers that be lazily deem it ok to have, what I like to call, A Storyline-Avoiding Clusterfuck. That would be this. One would think, judging from all the positive reactions that MVP and Swagger got from their rivalry, that it would be ok to let them continue their program and build it up to the point where they deserve their own PPV match, but no... creative gets too lazy. The same even goes for Kingston and Big Show. Anyways, I'm just ranting now, but I will say that this match has a chance to steal the show; and the person coming out on top will be The Big Show.

Pick - The Big Show

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
- Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler

As much as I hate to say it, Ziggler has impressed the hell out of me. I actually look forward to his matches, which is far from what I felt about him when he first came along. Anyhow, considering Jeff Hardy is leaving Smackdown soon, the title needs to go to Ziggler to help build his character and to help fill that void at the top. Mysterio retaining will do nothing for the WWE.

Pick - Dolph Ziggler

ECW Championship Match
- Tommy Dreamer (c) vs. Christian

I have a confession... I haven't watched ECW in a month. I've been too busy, ummmm, picking my nose? Playing video games? Staring at the ceiling? The point is, ever since ECW got raped of all their talent in that lame Trump trade, the program hasn't been worthy of my clearly-precious time. And with that, I'm flipping a coin for this match. Heads - Dreamer, and Tails - Christian... ... ... ... ... Tails! Christian wins! Christian wins!

Pick - Christian

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match
- CM Punk (c) vs. Jeff Hardy

This one is easy. With Hardy leaving as soon as his contract expires, there is zero chance he will win. I expect Punk to somehow weasel his way out of this one and retain. To be honest, with how impressive Punk been as of his heel turn, he deserves it.

Pick - CM Punk

WWE Championship – Triple Threat Match
- Randy Orton (c) vs. Triple H vs. John Cena

I get the feeling we've been here before... hmmmmmm. Wasn't this one of the main evens a couple Wrestlemania's ago? Hmmmmmm. And why do I want to watch this even again? Have any of these three been anything but disappointing this whole last year? Am I turning into one of those annoying people who make points by asking questions?

Pick - John Cena

Mr. Kennedy's Moniker

(In light of Ken Anderson's recent post on 'The Heyman Hustle', I almost canceled out this article altogether. Unfortunately, I've come down with a bad case of writer's block, and this is really the best I have to offer. Ugh, I'm not selling this article to you, the reader, very well am I? I'll shut my mouth now...)

Ladies and gentlemen... from Burke, Virginia... Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... BHATIAAAAAAA......

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BHATIAAAAA!

Welcome back to this edition of Neil's Highlight Reel. I was ---> <--- close to never returning from my cruise and becoming an illegal immigrant in the beautiful city of Freeport, Bahamas. But foreign customs outwitted me yet again - damn those party-poopers. So here I am, ready to get back into it.

It has been reported that Mr. Anderson aka Mr. Kennedy got back into ring with Umaga just a little while ago... unfortunately it was all for a promotion outside of the WWE, but it's all gravy. Anyhow, a video that surfaced on Youtube revealed that Mr. Kennedy was, at least for that one night, granted the right to use the name Mr. Kennedy, as he used that moniker the same way he always has during his match intro. This video made me pitch a tent in my pants had me excited because I thought that maybe, just maybe, S.T.U.P.I.D. finally lightened up (check my previous articles if you don't get that acronym) and let Ken Anderson have the name back. But another video I found shortly after this one conflicted with that, as seemingly before the match during an autograph session, my dreamy soul mate favorite wrestler claimed he was now to be known by his real name, Mr. Anderson.

So what am I, a 14-year-old-fangirl-stuck-in-the-body-of-a-23-year-old-male, supposed to think? To which name will my hero be returning with in just over a month? Here are the possibilities:

Sr. Kennedy - Only in countries where the lawns stay mowed... just kidding! God it's fun to be brown + racist... it's a good way to keep you all on your toes. Besides, I'm 100% sure the Webmaster for this site wet his pants when he read that, and any obscene sayings that can potentially wet the webmaster's pants are alright in my book.

Mr. Kennedy-Kennedy - The only issue I can see with this is, when ring announcers, play-by-play guys, backstage interviewers, and other wrestlers have to say the name themselves, it won't sound good since they'll all be saying it twice. And considering Mr. Kennedy is the only person who should be saying the name so nice it needs to be said twice, it would lose its je ne sais quois.

Mr. Kenedy - No I'm not retarded... I know that is an 'n' short, and your reaction to that name is exactly why this version wouldn't work in the least. It looks awful, and selling merchandise with this moniker on it would be a disaster.

Mr. Anderson - Don't do it Ken. Don't do it! The name "Mr. Anderson" only belongs in green-screen movies with Keanu Reeve's lifeless face!

Mr. Kenneday - This is the one. It can be pronounced exactly as it was in the WWE by fans and wrestlers alike, plus it doesn't look bad at all on paper. Sadly, it doesn't look like Ken will be keeping any form of Mr. Kennedy, but I'll keep my fingers crossed just in case.