Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A Man Defines his Surroundings... or Do Surroundings Define the Man?


Nothing would make me happier if I woke up one morning laying down next to Layla Mr. Kennedy Dixie Carter, and had the following sweet nothing whispered into my ear: "TNA Impact just beat Monday Night Raw in the ratings this week". Not even if my arms were draped around the naked bodies of Maryse and Layla. Not even if Triple H and John Cena both quit wrestling altogether. Not even if I, the fanboy of all fanboys of Mr. Kennedy, got to see him win a heavyweight championship. And why, you must be wondering, is that? Well, because I'd then know that a fire would be lit under Vince McMahon's competitive, killer-instinct spirit... something we haven't seen in a long time.

Of course I know that Vince is a workaholic behind-the-scenes; that's been documented time and time again. But we all know he isn't the same guy he was plum in the middle of the Monday Night Wars. To sum it up best, he's in a box, and a small one at that. The WWE has suffered because of his unwillingness to embrace anything he isn't fond of. Any idea that he doesn't like gets shot down instantly, and the person who comes up with the idea sometimes gets ridiculed. Something that happened just a week ago illustrates that to a tee.

An unnamed person inside team creative suggested a John Cena heel turn - an idea that quite a few wrestling fans have hoped to see come to fruition. McMahon could have easily just dismissed the suggestion and moved on, but being the egotistical man he is, the bossman took it a step further and berated the poor sap who came up with the idea. Vince went on to say how short-sighted the guy was for (and I'm paraphrasing here) not seeing that Cena merchandise continues to make boatloads of money for the WWE. Really though, it's Vince who is short-sighted for not seeing the ramifications of his actions. By bitching out that individual, he further cemented, if not then created, the mindset of "If I don't please Vince, I'm going to get chewed out". And people with mindsets like that have a nickname... they're called 'yes men'. Last I checked, those kinds of people aren't good for any organization in the real world, let alone a wrestling company. See: Bush Jr's administration for proof.

Certainly though, Vince is capable of achieving great things. We all watched him slowly build up the WWE from the humble nothing it used to be and turn it into his vision - now a piece of Americana. The sheer amount of work it must have taken the man to absorb and/or run over all those separate wrestling territories across the country is unfathomable. And that's just the 80's. During the 90's, Vince's battles he waged on the WCW resulted in, by most accounts, the 'Golden Age of Wrestling'... aka the Attitude Era. Looking back at those two eras, it's clear what the driving forces were behind his success. His master plan sustained him well through the 80's, and the WCW clearly drove him as a competitor in the 90's.

So what is it that gets him going now in the 00's? Well, that's the thing... nothing. No longer does our chairman need to look in the rear view mirror to see if failure is tailgating him. To be honest, I can't blame him - he's accomplished everything he has set out to do. Nobody is telling him he can't "make it" anymore, and certainly there are no more Eric Bishoffs around to push his buttons.

To get away from sports-entertainment for a moment, take a look at some legends we've seen rise and fall in our heyday. Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player of all time, was quite possibly the most driven athlete ever in the late 80's and early 90's. First it was the Celtics and Larry Bird who motivated MJ so much that he dropped some of the single greatest individual performances in basketball history on them. After that, the Pistons were the ones who bullied MJ around and forced him to take it to the next level. Then it was the Lakers, led by Magic Johnson (who, by the way, had Larry Bird pushing him for his entire career), and then of course the rest of the league's top players. Once MJ stood on top of the mountain and saw that he had slain all the dragons in the league, what did he do? He became bored, and retired. BORED! The same guy who was once consumed with winning championships became bored!

Still not catching my drift? Let's take the rap icon Eminem as an example from the entertainment industry. When Marshall Mathers first came up he wasn't necessarily fighting a tangible rival who could push him, but instead he was fighting poverty - a staple in his life at that point. He was ravenous to a certain degree in writing his lyrics, and he struggled for every last dime he earned as he worked his way up to the top. The man went on to become so great that he inserted himself into the discussion of the greatest rappers of all time... and with ease too. But following that last extended break he took after earning millions from his life's work, that fiestyness he once had in him was displaced by complacency. Everything he ever wanted he had. Everything he set out to do he did. His legend was already cemented, and the hunger wasn't there. And now when comparing his work pre-hiatus to post, one could easily see just how much a worthy adversary could mean to even the greatest of the greats. A poor man, facing terrible things from the day he was born, drove Eminem to create albums that became an entire generation's voice. But the same man, only this time extremely rich but complacent, produced a very average album this time around.

Vince, like I said before, has very much changed from the man he once was to who he is today, just as Jordan and Eminem changed. No longer is his motivation tied into survival. Rather, it's probably closer to 'let's get every penny we can'. That's fine though... every person has a right to earn. The thing is, Vince continues to market the WWE as a fan-friendly company, which just isn't as true as it used to be.

Fans still groan at the "freaks" Vince trots out like Santina, The Boogeyman, Hornswaggle, and Goldust. The "Million Dollar Giveaway" segments tarnished the company so much that I came -----> (this) <----- close to quitting the WWE altogether. And the segments where Vince goes out there and makes a fool of himself, yet clearly has 100x more fun than anybody in the arena (like the Stan Kroenke segment this last Raw) are far too prevalent. But Vince, clearly off in his strange own sugarcoated, padded-wall world, continues to force them down our throats. We get it Vince, you like freakshows and you think you're the cock of the walk... that doesn't mean we do.

Thanks to Vince's lack of fear of failure, the product the WWE puts out is just average. Unless a change in landscape comes about - and by that change I mean if a competitor comes out of the woodwork and gives Vince a run for his money, we're in for more of those same wasteful segments. Here's to hoping one of those"yes men" who advise him starts a mutiny.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Year of the Bible?

I don't know what this man hopes to accomplish, but Georgian Republican Paul Broun is hoping to officially make 2010 the "Year of the Bible".  Broun is defending himself by claiming "This doesn't have anything to do with Christianity".  That ass-backward logic baffles me to say the least.

Last time I checked, imposing religious beliefs onto the nation was frowned upon... right?  Maybe it's been a while since I "last checked" though, seeing that when I woke up this morning gay rights remain handicapped, abortion continues to split this nation down the middle, and only Christian presidents get voted in.

Religious freedom my ass.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

YOUR Highlight Reel?

carrey_riddler

I don’t know if this will work or not, but what the hell…

This is YOUR opportunity to get in one of my celebrated columns and ask me any wrestling-related question you want!

Do you want inside skinny on the goings on of the WWE? Ask away!

Do you wonder what Mr. Kennedy’s jock-strap smells like? I’m your guy!

Do you want to know why I delude myself into thinking my columns are “celebrated” even though, besides XHeadlines, Full Tilt, and a sleazy poker magazine that has gone belly-up, nobody has dared to touch my work with a ten-foot-pole? Grill me!

In all seriousness, if you have questions about the WWE, TNA, or any MMA promotion, please submit them either in the comments section below this column, or email them to me at KGBlovesOreos@gmail.com.

And for goodness sake, if I don’t get enough questions let alone any at all, I’m going to have to have a Q&A column with my own made-up questions… and you wouldn’t do that to me would you?

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Judgment Day Preview: A Case of Déjà Vu

I'm excited for a few of the matches in store for us, but I'm not quite sure what the rhyme or reason was for some of these bookings. Randy Orton vs. Batista I can live with because both men know how to deliver a match. But honestly, haven't we seen a lot of these matches before? And many times at that?

Big Show-Cena has been done to death, and their bouts have set the record for some of the pastiest-white matches we've ever seen... don't worry JBL, your matches with Cena are up there too. But to be honest, seeing Cena FU'ing, not Attitude-Adjusting, the Big Show time and time again flat-out takes away from just how impressive the feat is. I roll my eyes whenever I see it happen, and that is not something a fan should be doing when seeing such an act of strength!

Christian-Jack Swagger is actually a repeat match I can't wait to see. Christian's professionalism has been rubbing off on Jack Swagger, and I've noticed a steady improvement in Swagger's game just in the last two months alone. The program they've had has developed nicely, and ECW has become watchable solely because of these two.

As for Edge-Jeff Hardy, I don't know what to say. I'm confused, to be honest. We all know Hardy's contract is expiring later this summer and that he's declined extensions on multiple occasions, but he's still getting opportunities at the title? Maybe the WWE officials just think he's playing hardball and are just trying to appease him in the meantime, but it's rather risky. Edge could have had a number of programs with other faces such as Rey Mysterio or even CM Punk - both who are far less of a gamble. Either way, the matchup will probably be entertaining based off their history, but will we see anything different?

We'll all find out how the PPV turns out tomorrow. I think we'll see more of the same as we've seen before, but who knows... I could be surprised. Until then, be sure to check out XHeadline's PPV Headquarters for all the information you need for Judgment Day.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Another Change...

I changed the web address for this page yet again... I was disappointed with the direction I took with this page after changing to wwerumorsandrants.blogspot.com - a pure wrestling site, because it basically became the site where I copied + pasted my wrestling articles from XHeadlines.com.  It's not like I have an issue or anything with XHeadlines... they are giving me an opportunity on a highly-trafficked site that has a lot of potential, but the difference in content between my articles there and the posts I put up here was minimal.  So here I go again, changing the theme for this page one more time.  

Besides, isn't my shiney new title for this site much better?  And didn't you miss my terrible poker articles?  Or my articles about awkward office bathroom moments?

I know I did.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Greenhorns of Grappling (Part Two)

Welcome back you silly gooses/geese/whatever. The following athletes finish up my top ten list of the brightest young stars in the WWE. If you missed part one of The Greenhorns of Grappling, feel free to hit the "Back" button on your browser now to take a look at that masterpiece of mine.

"Masterpiece" is a bit of a stretch I guess, right? Sighhhh... you guys are right. I guess I'm being too hard on myself. It wasn't just a masterpiece - it was a Pulitzer Prize-worthy piece. Better yet, it was the zenith of opinion columns that all future opinion columnists should compare themselves to.

Much better.

Anyhow... back to business.

#5: CM Punk

Some of you may have been annoyed that CM Punk won the MiTB yet again, but he really was the best possible person to win that match. I'll give you that he has technically been a champion before - thus not really making him much of a "greenhorn" - but do any of you view this guy as a legit main-eventer yet? Not yet right?

Well, I feel like his first title reign was REALLY screwed up by creative. But this time around it seems like the right steps have been taken towards building up CM Punk, as he has already pinned Edge legitimately and is now entering a program with Umaga. Once he's really over, and by that I mean once it really becomes believable rather than unbelievable that he's winning matches against the likes of Jericho, Edge, etc, it shouldn't be long before we see him hoisting up a title yet again.

#4: Jack Swagger

Brock Lesnar comes to mind when I see this beast in the ring. Only Shelton Benjamin, Batista, and Triple H's physiques compare to this guy's in terms of modern wrestlers, and although he still has room to improve his delivery on the mic, he's got plenty of raw talent.

His finisher is something I'm not all that impressed with, but that might be me nitpicking at a small thread sticking out of a, well, what is it that these kids wear nowadays... Von Dutch shirt? Whatever it is, it's a small imperfection on a nearly-perfect pure wrestler.

#3: MVP

I'm very curious to see how MVP's most recent push goes, because the longer I think about it the more I'm not sure he can get it done in the ring. I'll give him this - he's damn entertaining on the mic, and he brings a fresh, stylish persona we really haven't seen before.

But as I said, in the ring he isn't all too impressive. As you may have seen the last few weeks, the only time a crowd really, and I mean really gets into his matches is when he either jumps up and down to hype up the crowd (a very obvious gimmick), or he does that 'Ballin!' ditty. The same could be said for other wrestlers, but the way it comes across on the screen to me is that the audience almost falls into a lull before he does one of those two things to get everybody going... and that's not supposed to happen with a future star is it?

He's bound to improve though, and with the way he connects to people during his promos, the push he's getting now should should continue long enough for him to have time to iron out the wrinkles in his game.

#2: Mr. Kennedy... Kennedy

Common, you really didn't think I'd compile this list without naming the guy whose name is so nice you gotta say it twice... did you? Nobody shoots a promo better than Mr. Kennedy does... NOBODY! This guy is bound to have a major role in the company's future. Of course, the only thing that could hold him back from becoming the superstar we all know he can be are injuries.

Thus far this man has been a star-crossed guy... some of it was brought on by himself - but the rest was just one freak thing or the other. His biggest push he ever received was the one where he became a thorn in William Regal's side (who was then a major heel GM... lights on/lights off anybody?). Unfortunately that rivalry that had oh-so-much potential was cut short due to Regal's drug suspension.

Kennedy's failed pushes aside, what I do know though is that although this guy is better as a heel than a face, he needs to stay a crowd favorite just as he was before his last injury. The WWE is full of heels anyways, and the last thing they need is yet another prime talent wasted as a heel. Do they not understand that the best way to put asses in the seats are to have your best talents in favor of the crowd? Ugh. Anyways, I've praised Mr. Kennedy long enough in this article... the other wrestlers on this list might get jealous or something, so I'll make up for it by not putting up a pic of Kennedy. Happy?

...

...

...

kennedy_regal



I budged. I couldn't resist. And I don't even care that this page now looks awkward with another picture right below Mr. Kennedy's.



#1: John Morrison

This guy has sneaky mega-potential... I feel like a ten-year-old for phrasing it like that, but there's really no other way to say it. Just take a look at him and TELL me he's not athletic. The man clearly knows what he's doing in the ring, and the scary thing is that he's barely scratched the surface.

Most people compare him to a young Shawn Michaels, and I cannot find a single hole in that argument. I mean, did you guys see him superkick Michaels a couple months back on RAW? It was eerie how similar he looked like HBK back in his heyday!

After all that, I haven't even addressed just how easily Morrison can get the crowd riled up one way or the other. Truth be told, pairing this lad up with The Miz for the first part of each other's young careers was genious. And even better is that, although we didn't notice, Morrison was far below average on the mic when he first started out. But once he got his "reps" in on the critically-acclaimed Dirt Sheet, you could practically graph Morrison's steady improvement. This guy is not just going to be a star... he's going to be a hall-of-famer (you read that right) as long as he stays on track.

* * * * *
If, by some miracle of God you actually like my work, feel free to visit my site http://wwerumorsandrants.blogspot.com/ and check some of my work there.

You can also reach me on Twitter at twitter.com/NeilBhatia.

I can also be reached on Facebook - my name there is also Neil Bhatia.

Monday, May 4, 2009

The Greenhorns of Grappling

Are you guys enjoying the modern era of wrestling as much as I am?  The new faces we've seen in the last week have all the websites and blogs abuzzing with excitement.  It's been a while since the WWE has really pushed their ripe athletes to do significant things.  Whether it was because the company didn't feel they were quite ready yet, or because their main-eventers didn't want to step aside to share the spotlight... it doesn't matter anymore.  What DOES matter is that we're getting fresh talent interacting with some of our old favorites, and many people including myself have our happy tissues ready to go.  

Whoops... 

Was that too much information?  Probably.  But I truly have no other way to describe just how giddy I've become to my readers.  I hope I didn't lose one of you three by grossing you out like that. Anyhow, below are #'s 10-6 of my top ten list of blue-chippers whose potential (I hate that "P" word by the way) the WWE hasn't yet tapped. The top five of this list will be published in the coming days...


#10: Evan Bourne

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This kid has talent, but there is little else behind that. He lacks charisma and his character is very vanilla,  but you can't deny that the little guy has a jaw-dropping set of moves.  Bourne is the definition of in-ring entertainment, and even though he can't cut a promo to save his life, his high-flying antics deserve a push - even if it is just on ECW. 

Some say he's the next Rey Mysterio.  I, however, liken him to a mix of Mysterio and a young Jeff Hardy - he clearly has the ability to give us many "HOLY SHIT" moments in the coming years, but he's very Shelton Benjamin-esque on the mic.  With time and opportunity that will likely change though.


#9: Kofi Kingston

Kofi Kingston already has a few notches on his belt: the Intercontinental and Tag-Team Championships.  The thing is, Kingston hasn't had much of a chance, if any, to show us what he's made of promo-wise.  Yes, he's had the occasional backstage interview, but all we got from those is that Kingston is a happy-go-lucky kind of guy... that about sums it up.  He certainly has a plethora of moves to wow crowds, but will the WWE give him the opportunity to develop his character?

#8: The Miz

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The Miz can be hit-or-miss at times.  Back when he was paired up with John Morrison he could induce heat from the crowd in an instant.  But like I said, that was back when he was Morrison's tag-team partner.  

By himself, I can easily see The Miz either flourish or fail. We've seen some glimpses of success with him, but if you watched RAW like I did last week when he went on a John Cena-bashing tirade, the crowd didn't give a damn. I can't figure out if it was because The Miz was so bland or the crowd hated Cena, but I was shocked to say the least.  Being on the mic is actually Miz's strength, whereas I thought it was his in-ring work that needed some help. I'm hoping that a few weeks from now we can all look back on that promo and chalk it up to an off night.  One thing is for sure though - The Miz will certainly get more chances to bounce back... I mean he's a chick-magnet after all, right?

#7: Matt Hardy

As I've said in a column before, Matt Hardy's heel turn has been like wine for me: over time it's gotten better and better.  His promos have been very impressive and his character has come along well.  

But surprisingly I've found myself bored to death at times during his latest matches - something you don't usually expect from a Hardy brother. And with the reviews I read of Backlash that said his match with Jeff Hardy was also utterly disappointing,  I'm not sure what to think of him now.  He's very entertaining on the mic, but whatever is causing Hardy to stink up matches needs to go.  

THE Brian Kendrick

#6: THE Brian Kendrick

This guy has it all.  He's great on the mic...  as a matter of fact he's one of the best in the business (feel free to bash me on that one... that doesn't change the fact that it's true!).  In the ring he's a more vicious version of a mix between Spike Dudley and Crash Holly - but more entertaining than that sounds.

Unfortunately he hasn't yet gotten the push he deserves.  Whispers from behind the curtain suggest that his attitude has held him down from becoming a big-timer.  Despite that though he's already been in a heavyweight title match, and if his attitude is the only thing holding him down I suspect he'll learn the ropes of the business soon enough and get himself in the good graces of team creative.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

The OMGs, LOLs, and UGHs of the WWE

Today I'll be breaking down the OMG's, LOL's, and UGH's in the WWE. My apologies for those three categories, but I wanted to do something different from "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" or "Yay or Neigh". You understand don't you?

OMG to the WWE's push of MVP.  I have a nagging feeling that it's going to get cheesy with Sheri Shepherd worshiping the very ground MVP walks on, but I'm still happy nonetheless. This guy is great on the mic, has a good repertoire of moves in the ring, and continues to improve as time goes on.  I'm sure we're in store for some good things from this man in the future.

LOL to Jeff Hardy getting another title match.  I like the guy, but isn't his contract running out in a couple months?  Couldn't his spot in that four-man battle royal gone to somebody who wants to be wrestling in six months - say, John Morrison, or even the Great Khali?

MEH to this fiasco that is the Santina Marella.  I don't know why, but for some reason Vince McMahon is obsessed with midgets and cross-dressers.  The run-in Santina and Hornswaggle had earlier this week must have wet our WWE Chairman's pants.

OMG at the tease of CM Punk cashing in the MiTB.  I like the way we were given a taste of it, but then had it taken away at the last moment surprisingly by Umaga.  I hope the new CM Punk-Umaga rivalry gives us a couple decent matches, similar to the way we got good matches from the Samoan's last significant rivalry with Jeff Hardy.

LOL at The Miz ragging on John Cena Monday night.  Look, I'm always up for a good Cena-bashing rant or two, but The Miz could only fit in one decent zinger - something about saying how he couldn't see Cena since his movies weren't in theaters long enough - that was sandwiched between the crowd's indifference to him.  The Miz is a very raw talent that I'm afraid isn't ready to tangle with the big dogs.  I would've much rather seen this spot to Mr. Kennedy, who can cut great promos as a face or heel without breaking a sweat.

MEH at Vladimir Kozlov's ground-breaking announcement that he's not only better than everybody on ECW, but that he also looks forward to world domination.  Hmmm... sounds familiar... who was the last guy to say the exact same thing over and over again just a couple months ago?  Oh yea, it was Kozlov.  This guy stands no chance at being entertaining one way or the other.

OMG at all three brands' heavyweight titles switching at Backlash.  I didn't order the PPV myself, since I figured it would be crap.  But hey, any PPV with Cena and Triple H losing the belts, not to mention Triple H getting taken out on a stretcher, is a good PPV in my book.  Kudos to Randy Orton, Edge, and Cristian.

LOL at John Cena coming out after Batista won the #1 Contender spot.  Was I supposed to be impressed by that?  If he was strong enough to come out then, why couldn't he at least acknowledge The Miz earlier in the show?

MEH at  the Superstars show.  If the company barely gives a damn about this show and books mid-to-low-card talent, why should I?