Top Five Michael Jackson Songs (Updated)

Pretty simple post here...

UPDATE: I slept on Dirty Diana... god what a song.

1. Dirty Diana (replacing Man in the Mirror, which was at #5)
2. Billy Jean
3. Beat It
4. Don't Stop Till You Get Enough
5. Thriller


RIP Michael.

The Donald's Point?

What is this?!? THREE POSTS FOR EACH OF THE LAST THREE DAYS IN A ROW?!? Don't get used to it... I fully intend to eventually ditch this site and just watch Transformers 2 every day for the rest of my remaining life so I can see Megan Fox prance around in slow-motion while she wears those wonderful short-shorts. And yes, I would die a happy man if that happened.

(sidebar: To truly exhibit my distaste for Vince McMahon, from here on out I will no longer refer to that man by his name. Henceforth, he will be known as the Schizophrenic Top-dog Unable to Put together Impressive Disputes... aka S.T.U.P.I.D. I'm going to try it out and see if it works... if you have any suggestions, let me know.)

Two weeks ago we all could not wait for the big announcement S.T.U.P.I.D. (yea, that works) claimed he had in store for us on the 6/15 edition of Monday Night RAW. Naturally, since that particular episode was being held in North Carolina, and since rumor had it that Ric Flair - a revered man in the same state - was foaming at the mouth in anticipation of getting back into the ring, we fans thought we were putting two and two together by figuring that Flair would be named GM of RAW. How wrong we were.

S.T.U.P.I.D. stunned us all when he announced he was (kayfabe) selling the Monday night show off to, of all people, Donald Trump. Clearly S.T.U.P.I.D. went all Alzheimer's on us and forgot that he used Trump just a couple Wrestlemanias ago, but I guess that's neither here nor there now. Anyways, after that revelation came to light the internet was flooded with every schmo's opinion on what possibilities could come of this. Some suggested that this was the lead-in to SummerSlam. Others thought this was just a ratings ploy that would span only a couple weeks, maybe a month. Even a Smackdown (ran by S.T.U.P.I.D.) vs. Raw (ran by Trump) storyline was suggested on one site. But despite my disgust for Trump and his tired schtick - which I've already ranted about on one of the XHeadlines radio shows - I have to admit that the possibilities for this situation were numerous.

But one week later in the same surprising fashion, S.T.U.P.I.D. bought back RAW from Trump in what I can only call one of the most artificial segments I've ever watched. I was shocked. And no, not because we had witnessed ownership change hands on RAW for the second consecutive week. I was shocked because I thought the WWE had set themselves up for a compelling couple of weeks open to mainstream media attention by bringing The Donald in, but they threw that opportunity on the ground and took a big giant "poopy" on it... John Cena style.

Now a full business week after the trainwreck, the short, succinct "power struggle" over RAW still blows my mind. I can't even wrap my head around why the WWE would bother bringing in such a big name if the person would only be around for a short time. Did the WWE think that we'd be so distracted by that dead cat on Trump's head that we wouldn't realize how manic the last few weeks had been?

It's possible that this was just a trial run to see if they could use Trump or a person of similar stature down the road - which an official WWE press release sort of confirmed when it said that there remained a chance of the business mogul and S.T.U.P.I.D. could collide yet again. Sadly (sense the sarcasm?), I can't envision yet another scenario where Trump re-enters the WWE Universe. But hey, I was saying the exact same thing last time he showed his ugly mug.

Obviously, short-term ratings - the simplest reason of them all - could be the explanation behind Trump's hello/goodbye. Ratings spiked from the normal range of RAW's 3.1 - 3.5 up above 4.0. Granted, some of that may be due to the ad-free aspect of that RAW, but if it were quantifiable I'd bet that the attention Trump got was more responsible for that bump than the missing commercials. On top of that, the WWE's upcoming pay-per-view "The Bash" has as much momentum heading into it as the next Charlie Haas match. Trump may have made his appearance solely to boost interest in the PPV even though, at the moment, looks like he'll have nothing to do with it.

If I had to take a guess though, my explanation behind this whole ordeal has more to do with the kayfabe storyline. One thing I noticed is that the move turned the fans on S.T.U.P.I.D. in a big way, since he went as far as saying that the fans didn't deserve all the things Trump was doing for them (which obviously garnered a strong negative fan reaction). I would pat myself on the back for solving this puzzle, but shortly after Vince "bought back" RAW he put Randy Orton in a Three Stages of Hell title match against none other than the wrestler currently laying the wood to his daughter (a move the fans cheered). That sorta throws my whole theory behind Trump off, but hey, if they WWE blatantly ignores character history amongst their wrestlers, then I can conveniently ignore what I want.

I have to say though - turning S.T.U.P.I.D.'s character around, if that is indeed what creative was going for, makes for some juicy television in the coming months. We could have a heel GM hire as soon as the next RAW (William Regal anybody?). Vince could even turn on HHH, although that wouldn't make any sense at all. A babyface could get a big push by standing up to S.T.U.P.I.D. and his potential heel character down the road (like MVP's now-rotting corpse). Sadly that babyface could've been (of course) Mr. Kennedy, and Kennedy vs. S.T.U.P.I.D. would have had the chance to push the WWE to a new level, but nooooooooooo... S.T.U.P.I.D. had to be a little pissant and fire him. Oh well.

There I go, off on a tangent again... ladies and gentlemen, your daily Mr. Kennedy rant! On that note, I'm out. My brain is about to explode.

Remembering The King of Pop

It is the rarest of occasions for my mom and I to sit down and watch, of all things, CNN. I can count on just my two hands the few times we've glared at the TV to watch as a headlining story unfolded... The OJ Simpson verdict, 9/11, the DC sniper, and most recently, the Virginia Tech tragedy. Never before has a celebrity death single-handedly silenced the entire household. But your death, pardon my phrasing, did the trick.

For my parents you were the only English music worth listening to when they first immigrated to the US many years ago. And even to this day, the only time my mother tolerates any non-native music is yours! Your albums were probably the first piece of pop culture they sampled, and although they never fully immersed themselves into American music, you did give them a little something they enjoyed.

I, on the other hand, never got to see you in person. Hell, I've never seen any musical acts in person... not one! But God knows if I had the chance to see you live, I would've done anything to do so. And even though I was but a wee little boy when you became the most recognizable face on the planet, I've come to immensely appreciate your legacy now - two decades after your dominance at the top of the charts.

If anything, you can see, just within the confines of my own tiny family, how important you were. Maybe you weren't a friend or family member to us, but you were one of the rare and few things my family and I shared.

I have to admit that, while CNN was still gathering all the details of the situation, I was holding on to some hope yet. Officially the news channels hadn't confirmed your death, and although all signs pointed towards what we now know as the truth, I still was grasping onto the off-chance that you were alive. But with the confirmation coming merely minutes after I turned on the TV, my heart sunk just a little.

Now, though, is the time to remember just what you meant to the world. You were the King of Pop. A singer. A dancer. A performer. An icon. But most of all, you were the voice of many generations - both past and present, and will remain so for the generations to come.

RIP Michael Jackson.

Megan Fox

Off to see Megan Fox and the supposedly-terrible Transformers 2... I think she'll be worth the price of admission though.

Post-Haste

"Patience is the companion of wisdom."

My mind is blown when I see how often the WWE gets in its own way. I don't know, maybe it has to do with the pussification of today's world thanks to all the hoopla and overreaction to Janet Jackson's boob making that ever-so-infamous appearance at the Super Bowl. Certainly that moment forever changed the things we see and hear through today's entertainment outlets, but that can't be the sole reason as to why the WWE has become a shred of its former self. When I look back at all the god-awful mistakes the WWE has made, and not throughout time but just in the last year or two alone, there is an underlying commonality that rears its ugly head in every disaster-of-a-decision I can recall: the lack of patience.

The biggest mistake the WWE ever committed (and I know that phrase is used a lot, particularly in this column, but here it applies) was to seperate the brands into two (now three) different entities. At the time, of course it made sense to split everybody up to give more wrestlers the chance to make a name for themselves. With all the talent they acquired through the buyout of the WCW, Vince McMahon saw that he was, more than ever before, flooded with talent. But what the WWE failed to realize was that the faces of the company who had carried them during that time, namely The Rock and Hulk Hogan, weren't going to be there all that much longer. Had Vince had the foresight to see that his precious few stars had their WWE days numbered, I truly believe we wouldn't have seen the split.

The can of worms we fans were handed when Mike Adamle was named the RAW General Manager a little while back was one of the most embarrassing moments in the WWE's history. By FAR, Adamle was already the worst announcer ever hired by the company, yet for some outlandish reason Vince thought he could pull it off as a GM? And for his flagship program?!? Did he not see Adamle booed every time Adamle walked to his chair before shows? And, call me crazy, but I wasn't the only one who knew Adamle's constant stammering was far from being an act, was I? We all knew he was not anywhere close to being ready for TV, yet somehow he was "promoted" within the company - something that proverbial heads should have rolled for.

And what about Mr. Kennedy's firing? (you knew this was coming, so stop pretending you're upset with me) Of course I know that Kennedy dealt with injury problems at the most inopportune of times, but I can't begin to comprehend why this man - somebody who everybody knows is fully capable of being a star in the company - was released just because he was a bit stiff in the ring coming off an eight-month layoff.

Sorry, but it confuses me that they let him go and nobody backstage objected in the least while total wastes of space like Kane, who the creative team has admitted that they have no ideas for, remain on the roster. I guess team creative can't get over the fact that Kennedy, with whom they could have gone many directions creatively, needed to shake off a little ring-rust while nobodies like Kane, Goldust, Hornswaggle, Mike Knox, Jamie Noble, Festus, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Sim Snuka, Charlie Haas, Curt Hawkins, The Great Khali, Kung Fu Naki, R-Truth, Jimmy Wang Yang, and every last one of the WWE Divas (except Maryse... she can stick around) remain on the roster? That's unacceptable... even by what I thought used to be the WWE's standards.

Another thing I cannot get over is how many times the World Heavyweight Championship exchanges hands. By my count, the belt has been passed on from one wrestler to another 13 times in the last 15 months! If the WWE gives a lick about how prestigious this belt should be, then they need to make up their god damn minds and stop putting the title on whoever they think is the flavor of the month. Even though Smackdown has been the show that has seperated itself from the rest of the pack in every which way, I'm not surprised in the least bit that it has the reputation within the company of being the "B" show. Fortunately, for the time being it looks like CM Punk is going to get a longer title reign than his previous one since creative is now dead-set on having him turning heel. As much of a mistake I think that is -although I will admit it's something fresh to watch - establishing him as a heel will require a solid chunk of time with him as the champion (ideally).

Neil the Nervous Nelly

As you guys know, I'm amongst many fine columnists at XHeadlines.com. Everybody brings different things to the table for that site, and, in general, I do my best to provide quality content in each of my columns. Each "piece" generally takes me 3-4 hours to complete what with revisions, re-revisions, and re-re-revisions - for the most part I'm happy with my finished product. But tonight, I will be trying my hand at something different: podcasts.

There is no such thing as revisions or do-overs with these, and considering I have the unfortunate reputation for stuttering and stammering my way through phone conversations, I'm pretty damn nervous (in case the title of this didn't give that way) with what I'm going to be doing in just a couple minutes. Maybe I wouldn't be as nervous as I am now if I had time to prep for the show beforehand, but life rudely interrupted most of my day (just kidding mommy!).

Anyhow, wish me luck. I'll probably still fuck this thing up one way or the other, but maybe with your well wishes I'll fuck up less.

The WWE and Sin City

Reintegrating myself into society is always a struggle when coming back from Vegas, where days and nights mesh together as you pass the time drinking and gambling hours on end. That first Monday morning back - which is when I’m writing this now - is always the worst. Sleep is really hard to come by the Sunday night before (I got zero last night), and by one o’clock the next day I can think of nothing else but getting back home and crashing on my bed to recoup some of the many Z’s I’d lost. Vegas is good for you in a way though… most of the things you can make do without, you do. The internet is usually the first thing people give up, and as shown above, oversleeping would most definitely be the second sacrifice. But for me though, it really surprised me how bothered I was that I missed out on a whole week’s worth of WWE television.

Now, one would think that Mr. Kennedy’s release - which came only the day before I left for my trip - would be the straw that broke the camel’s back for yours truly, forcing me to leave the WWE the way a battered wife would leave an abusive husband. As strange as this sounds though - considering that I’d gladly present myself for Mr. Kennedy Anderson should we ever bump into each other - I couldn’t wait to see what happened next. Unfortunately, I had to keep my priorities straight (see: strippers, degenerative gambling, drinking), so WWE had to wait until I returned to my glorious DVR. In the meantime though, while I was doing whatever I was doing in that city that God forgot to watch over, this sickie couldn’t help but draw comparisons between the WWE and Sin City, which really aren’t that different.

For instance, MVP and the Luxor (above) are identical in every which way. The Luxor is a brilliant black pyramid with a light coming out the top point that shines all the way up to the night sky. On the inside though, the Luxor is as boring as Sunday Night baseball on ESPN, with a very Old Vegas look they couldn’t get rid of even after renovations. MVP himself is a beautiful black man (as far as Sherri Shepherd is concerned), whose potential is indeed sky-high. He’s certainly flashy outside the ring, but when he gets inside the ropes, no matter how many new moves he’s come up with, he’s the same sluggish guy we’ve seen before. Uncanny ain’t it?

Another two things that can’t be more similar between Vegas and the WWE? Guys on the strip handing out hookers’ business cards and Vince McMahon’s childish sense of humor. If you don’t know what I’m talking about when it comes to the former, allow me to explain. About every other block on the strip there are guys handing out business card-sized pictures of a naked hooker and her number to every passerby. These guys are really the scum of the earth in the sense that they’re making money off of some perv paying somebody for sex, which in my opinion is one of the worst things a man can do. Vince McMahon’s sense of humor isn’t really all that different. Little people are clearly not off limits for him. Playing up to different races’ stereotypes is something he’s infamous for, and hell, even incest - one of the most vile topics in a normal society, is an idea he’s toyed with on multiple occasions in the past. You’re not funny Vince… not even close. In fact, you need help.

Planet Hollywood, my favorite casino of all, and Randy Orton, my favorite current WWE wrestler of all, have all the same qualities. PH has a little something for everybody - a great gambling atmosphere, pole dancers + barely-dressed women dealing games, and a low-key club to boot for those who just want to hang out and have a good time. Randy Orton, as you’ve probably surmised by now, also has everything you could imagine - a strong mic presence along with a convincing character, a personalized set of moves that fit well with most other wrestlers, and intangibles that I can’t begin to count. Both have everything going for them at the moment, and really stand out from the crowd.

Okay, I’m all done with my comparisons now. This whole idea was probably a stretch, but I may as well get this all out of my system now rather than later. I promise I’ll get back to my Mr. Kennedy-obsessing, WWE-smearing daily programming next time.

An Open Letter to Mr. Kennedy

Dear Ken,

First thing’s first - we all wish you the best of success in your personal and professional life. You’ve had some moments I’m sure you wish you could take back, but from what we can tell you’re a hard worker and an even better family man. A true model for any amateurs looking to get into the business to say the least.

Now, from what can be gathered the release was a rash decision made by somebody up high in the WWE, if not Vince McMahon himself, in reaction to the wrist injury - which, as indicated on your site, is merely a chink in your armor.

In my personal opinion, somebody over the course of the next few days needs to knock some sense into the misguided bozo(s) that called for your release, whomever it may be. Maybe the WWE will come to their senses, and maybe they won’t. But if there isn’t at least any signs of an internal struggle over your release, then I have zero faith in the WWE from here on out. To release somebody as talented, as gifted, and as entertaining as you are is a grave mistake. Naysayers would disagree with me, but you have that innate ability to connect with fans both as a heel and as a face - and with ease nonetheless. That quality is found in the rarest of wrestlers, and considering the horrid state of Monday Night RAW, it’s truly mindblowing that the WWE doesn’t want you.

If the WWE doesn’t realize what they’ve done in the coming days, well, then hopefully we’ll see you on TV for a different brand very soon. We’ll cheer for you, even if you may be wrestling under a different moniker, and will watch you as you prove the WWE wrong.

The best of luck to you sir,
Neil Bhatia