So it's been a little over a week since I last wrote here, and a number of interesting things have happened in the wrestling world since. Being that I am going to touch on these happenings, this would normally be called a "Quick Hits" column or something of that nature. That is rather lame though, and I'm one who likes to be contrarian just for the sake of being contrarian . So let's call this post a... hmmmmm... a "Quick Punch" column? No, a "Quick Bangs" column? Nah, that doesn't work either.
Since the ol' noggin' isn't working at the moment - it is Monday after all - let's refer to a trusty thesaurus for synonyms of the word "hit". That's right folks - nowhere else will you see a columnist openly refer to a thesaurus in the midst of his/her column, especially in search for synonyms of "hit" - a task so simple that third graders could assuredly do in a jiffy...
Since the ol' noggin' isn't working at the moment - it is Monday after all - let's refer to a trusty thesaurus for synonyms of the word "hit". That's right folks - nowhere else will you see a columnist openly refer to a thesaurus in the midst of his/her column, especially in search for synonyms of "hit" - a task so simple that third graders could assuredly do in a jiffy...
- KO
- bang
- bash
- beat
- blitz
- bump... I like bump.
So there, let's call this a "Quick Bumps" column. That's close enough to "hit", and hell, it kind of ties into wrestling, right?
...
Somebody?
...
Anybody?
Okay, moving on.
The big news of the week is that Hulk Hogan, along with Eric Bischoff, have signed with TNA. Normally this is something I'd be behind for a few reasons. First off, Hogan legitimizes TNA with some mainstream star power, and TNA's ratings will probably bump up whenever he debuts. And if TNA's ratings go up at all, the WWE has to take some notice and, in turn, step up their game. Competition is always a good thing for us fans. See: The Attitude Era
But a part of me wonders what will happen to the rising talent that have made a name for themselves over the last few months; namely Abyss, Matt Morgan, A.J. Styles, and Hernandez. Will these guys get put over Hogan if they had a match with him? Will Hogan take valuable time from them that, for the sake of the long run, could be put to better use to build young talent? Are we in for another version of the Main Event Mafia, only with Hogan starting up NWO again, and will take over half the show just as MEM did?
As great as it is for TNA to have added maybe the biggest name in wrestling history, they are operating on a slippery slope where much of their work could be erased in a week or two of Hogan's reign. It's a helluva gamble though, and it will be fun to see how it unfolds.
But a part of me wonders what will happen to the rising talent that have made a name for themselves over the last few months; namely Abyss, Matt Morgan, A.J. Styles, and Hernandez. Will these guys get put over Hogan if they had a match with him? Will Hogan take valuable time from them that, for the sake of the long run, could be put to better use to build young talent? Are we in for another version of the Main Event Mafia, only with Hogan starting up NWO again, and will take over half the show just as MEM did?
As great as it is for TNA to have added maybe the biggest name in wrestling history, they are operating on a slippery slope where much of their work could be erased in a week or two of Hogan's reign. It's a helluva gamble though, and it will be fun to see how it unfolds.
Another noteworthy event that took place in the wrestling world was Batista turning on his cartoon character of a friend Rey Mysterio. I am all for this, because if there is one thing I like of my heels it is that they look as imposing as Batista does. And in this regard, Batista has not failed me the least bit. When he first turned during Bragging Rights, telling Mysterio that he wanted to 'rip his head off', and then went from that semi-smirk to that deranged, I'm-going-to-tear-your-fucking-head-off look, I got chills. It was awesome.
A high profile heel turn like this has been needed for some time, and Batista, if anybody, was the right guy. His look, his move set, and his ability as of late to sway the crowd whatever way he wants (despite not being all that charismatic) is conducive to any heel.
Plus, for a minute there I thought, with all the over-the-top hugging and snuggling Rey and Dave had going before the turn, we were in store for a Billy and Chuck kind of storyline. And not that there's anything wrong with that, but considering the size difference between the two, one would think Rey could only take so much of Batista's dick. That storyline just wouldn't have been believable now that I think about it. Maybe now though, Mysterio and Evan Bourne can go at it... secretly I've always been rooting for those two anyways.
A high profile heel turn like this has been needed for some time, and Batista, if anybody, was the right guy. His look, his move set, and his ability as of late to sway the crowd whatever way he wants (despite not being all that charismatic) is conducive to any heel.
Plus, for a minute there I thought, with all the over-the-top hugging and snuggling Rey and Dave had going before the turn, we were in store for a Billy and Chuck kind of storyline. And not that there's anything wrong with that, but considering the size difference between the two, one would think Rey could only take so much of Batista's dick. That storyline just wouldn't have been believable now that I think about it. Maybe now though, Mysterio and Evan Bourne can go at it... secretly I've always been rooting for those two anyways.
Old gimmicks are old. I don't know about you, but seeing unprepared weekly guest hosts on Monday Night RAW have been embarrassing to me as a wrestling fan. I'd venture to guess that at least half of them, if not more, came in with little-to-no prep, and went on to spit in our faces by mispronouncing names and ruining segments (I will admit "Summerfest" was a gem though).
You might say that it was already a freak show before, but ever since the guest host gimmick, RAW has truly transformed itself into a pathetic gimmick yearning for mainstream attention. I can only count on one hand how many good hosts we have had (Shaq, Bob Barker, Snoop Dog, and that's fucking it) through the months, yet it seems like S.T.U.P.I.D. is going to keep this weekly trainwreck going, all in the name of an extra tenth of a point or two in the Nielsen ratings. No mispronunciations that embarrass the company are going to stop the madman from putting on whichever celebrity or flavor of the month wants to push their product. I swear to you, if RAW is a catastrophe tonight, it's coming off my DVR scheduled recordings. I'm really tired of wasting my time with it. /end rant
You might say that it was already a freak show before, but ever since the guest host gimmick, RAW has truly transformed itself into a pathetic gimmick yearning for mainstream attention. I can only count on one hand how many good hosts we have had (Shaq, Bob Barker, Snoop Dog, and that's fucking it) through the months, yet it seems like S.T.U.P.I.D. is going to keep this weekly trainwreck going, all in the name of an extra tenth of a point or two in the Nielsen ratings. No mispronunciations that embarrass the company are going to stop the madman from putting on whichever celebrity or flavor of the month wants to push their product. I swear to you, if RAW is a catastrophe tonight, it's coming off my DVR scheduled recordings. I'm really tired of wasting my time with it. /end rant
One more thing I'd like to mention before I end this... Ken Anderson, what happened to you? After S.T.U.P.I.D. fired you, you entertained your fans for a couple of months with weekly Youtube sketches that, although only a couple minutes in length, allowed us to get our weekly "fix" of your talent. When you put an end to those episodes, which was roughly around the same time your no-compete clause with the WWE expired, we all expected your grand return to the ring. After all, we have only seen you wrestling on television just once in eleven months: eight months out with that injury, and three months of the no-compete clause. Yet now we're fast approaching a month that you have yet to sign anywhere after being eligible; when really, there is only one place to sign: TNA.
So what's with the wait? Did I not obsess and praise over you enough? I sincerely doubt that. I mean after all, I had dreams where you and I... nevermind.
The end.
So what's with the wait? Did I not obsess and praise over you enough? I sincerely doubt that. I mean after all, I had dreams where you and I... nevermind.
The end.
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