How to Save the WWE

Let's just get this out of the way now... I'm a nerd. I play video games as often as J.P from Grandma's Boy, I read as often as Bill Belichek cheats, and I watch bad TV as often as Prison Break, Everybody Loves Raymond, and the WWE come on.

If you can't stand to hear a nerd rant about how the WWE can be saved, leave now. I'm serious. I'm really going to do this. I don't want you getting past this sentence if you're not interested, because I'm about to come off as a total boob... although I do promise some poker at the end.

Why am I doing this you ask? Because, on the off chance that Vincent Kennedy McMahon is one of my four readers, I can single-handedly save the WWE. Without further ado:


How to Save the WWE
by KGBlovesOreos

1. There are six men on the current WWE roster that are no-brainer HOFers: Triple H, The Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Y2J, Kane, and The Big Show. All these men have gone back-and-fourth as faces and heels throughout their careers, but the reasons they are now as popular as ever is because they are currently all "good guys". The same cannot be said for the majority of the "up-and-comers" the WWE is pushing as front-runners: John Cena, Mr. Kennedy, Randy Orton, Batista, Edge, and Jeff Hardy.

Of those men, only one (Hardy) is a fan favorite, and the rest draw nothing but boos. Even then, Hardy is in the middle of his second drug suspension, meaning his chance of getting back the trust of the WWE execs in order to make him a major player in the company is nil.

My solution: Push Mr. Kennedy as a face, and do everything you can to make Cena a crowd favorite. Kennedy is already popular as a heel (shades of Stone Cold Steve Austin), so it would be a seamless transition. John Cena on the other hand, has become a tough sell to the crowd. The WWE looked like they badly wanted Cena as a face when they put him up against Orton late last year, but that didn't go over well. Cena was injured shortly thereafter anyways, but ever since his return the WWE has put little effort into having him win over the fans. He continues to get boos from, oh, 90% of the crowd, and even then, the only people cheering him on are the little kids.

2. Stop having the young, fan-friendly faces go up against legends. I understand the WWE's motive of wanting to "boost" the career of the younger wrestlers by putting them up against the establish veterans, but following this formula (which can officially be declared "flawed") has hurt the careers of two formerly VERY popular, young, wrestlers:

John Cena - This man has been put in some impossible situations that stumped his career from something potentially special (no really). It started when he and Jericho had a feud that culminated in a You're Fired match. Cena may have escaped unemployment when he won the match, but the boos that were first heard that night carried over into his ensuing battles with crowd uber-favorites like RVD, Shawn Michaels, and Triple H. The crowd only got worse as the months went on, even making fun of his lack of moves, and instead of being the face of the company many thought he would be, he's the most hated wrestler in the business.

Batista - Had a spectacular feud with The Undertaker over the last two years, and he is now fighting Shawn Michaels. Guess who the crowd chose in both rivalries? Ugh. Yet again, another popular wrestler who has all the tools (microphone skills, great entrance, good moves), but has stopped gaining popularity because of his fights with HOFers.

My solution: Turn some of the legends into heels/bad guys, make sure the crowd is fully turned against them, and once the timing is right, let the fresh faces fight them. If not this, then don't ever put the young-ins against the old-timers.

3. Develop rivalries, don't force them. The WWE creative team has been very, hmmm, how can I put this nicely... bland with their storylines. They try and come up with the most creative matches possible, but by doing so, they forget to develop the rivalries themselves (which can be done in 5-10 minute segments compiled of backstage interviews, match contract signings, interference, etc). For example, let's take a look at the four men who will compete for the WWE Championship this Sunday at Backlash:

• Randy Orton is the champion, so by default he's involved.
• Triple H involves himself by simply telling the GM he deserves to be in the hunt. He "earns" a qualifying match, and wins.
• John Bradshaw Layfield involves himself by telling Orton he's a fluke. That's it. Riveting huh?
• John Cena also involves himself by crying to the GM. He, like Triple H, "earns" a qualifying match, and wins.

The WWE is better than that. Even if the four-way rivalry began as follows, I would've been happy:

Donkament number 42052689, Freeroll
25/50 blinds
John Cena is OTB and has 1000 chips
Randy Orton is in the SB and has 14500 chips
Triple H is in the BB and has 200 chips
JBL is UTG and has 300 chips
JBL raises all in to 300
JBL: I'm feelin mayghty nayyce being the Wall Street KING that I am. *wink wink*
JBL: And even if one of you mules gets lucky and beats me, I steell get to ride home in mahhh limo.
John Cena tries to reraise to 305 chips
Triple H: That's not a move.
John Cena tries to raise to 5,000,000 chips
Triple H: That's not a move either. Don't you have any moves?
John Cena raises to 1000 chips and is all in
John Cena: Word life.
Randy Orton: What does that even mean?!?
John Cena: STFU.
Triple H: This guy makes Festus look like Einstein.
Randy Orton pushes his small blind in and looks like he gives up.
Randy Orton: I'm going to hold on to my cards just to see if they hit.
Triple H: The little girl escapes yet again.
JBL: What are you doing Orton? You have 14,500 chips, and you have the chance to eliminate two competitors for only 1000 of your chips! You just passed up on a very Bullish opportunity son!!!
Randy Orton: I know what I'm doing... I'm the legend killer!
Triple H: *rolls eyes*
Triple H calls 200 chips and is all in.
Triple H: *takes out his sledgehammer and points it at the dealer* You better make me win.

JBL shows KK
John Cena shows 92
Triple H: So Cena does have moves, but he sucks anyways.
Triple H shows 33

FLOP: 6-3-9
Triple H: *smirks* Good job dealer.

Turn: 6-3-9-2
Triple H: Uh oh.

River: 6-3-9-2-9
Triple H: How does this guy keep winning when he sucks so much?

Randy Orton: He didn't win. I did.
John Cena: FU.
JBL: Do you ever say anaything that makes sense?

Randy Orton: Look at the small blind I pushed in... see how there's an extra chip?

Triple H: So?

Orton: That's a call in any casino. And since I never folded my hand or even said "I fold", my cards still play.

Dealer: He's right. Orton wins the pot.
Orton: Game over.
Triple H: Hey, that's my line!


So there, that's how the WWE can be saved.

PS - If Chris Moneymaker can save poker, any random schmuck can do it for the WWE.